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the Aristotle Experiment
A. Thesis statement and essay unity.
"There are many factors that businesses and government agencies should consider before transferring a hardy but nonindigenous species to another country. A few of these factors are the effects that the species will have on another country, the real importance of the species to another country, and the impact it will make on the country."
1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (
Yes, the thesis statement I have written expreses the main point the I make in the essay and answers the prompt question.
2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (
The thesis statement reflects everything in the essay clearly and the essay succeeds in developing the key points of the thesis.
3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (
The thesis is positive because it provides ways for different government agencies and businesses to improve the standards on which they base their exportation.
4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
My thesis illustrates a statement worth arguing, debating, and pondering over. The argument is that it is vital and necessary for businesses to closely examine what they are exporting to other places before the items, specimens, etc. are sent off.
5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (
) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
Yes, the clauses presented in my thesis are in the active voice.
: businesses, government agencies, nonindigenous species, country, factors, effects.
: consider, transferring, make, have.
6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (
My thesis does not exactly answer the question of "why?" but it does answer the question of "how?'' For example, it answers the question of "how?" by giving examples of improving traditions of exportation. The thesis itself fails to describe why these changes are important.
7. Is your thesis statement clear
, precise and limited (
), controversial or informative (
), and defensible (
The thesis is pretty clear except for the last part of it that states,
"...and the impact it will make on the country."
It might be unclear to readers what kind of impact I am referring to. I would not necessarily say that my thesis is controversial, but it could be easily be argued in a peaceful way. Also, my body paragraphs do a satisfactory job of defending the thesis.
B. Introduction and conclusion.
: In present times, items, animals, food, and many other things are imported into countries numerous times each and every day. The problem is that on many occasions. Harmful or dangerous things make their way into a country, and the results can be potentially damaging.
There are many factors that businesses and government agencies should consider before transferring a hardy but nonindigenous species to another country. A few of these factors are the effects that the species will have on another country, the real importance of the species to another country, and the impact it will make on the country.
In conclusion, country officials need to be cautious in what they export to other nations. They can do this by evaluating the effects, importance, and impacts of their species’ on other countries and decide if it is really necessary to go through with the exportation.
1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
Yes, my first body paragraph is interesting. It talks about the devastation of the balsam fir trees in America due to an accidental import of insects from Europe. By providing information on this unfortunate happening, the audience of my paper is likely to keep reading to find out more.
2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
Yes, a "contract" is made with the reader in which I produced a clear thesis, and later, in my body paragraphs, I supported my thesis with fatcs and figures from the various documents.
3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
My conclusion does not really stisfy the condition of the contract because it merely restates the thesis statement without emphasizing the importance of what was said in the thesis.
"In conclusion, country officials need to be cautious in what they export to other nations."
This sentence from my conclusion is just a plain sentence that isn't interesting or a good tie into the rephrased thesis.
A. The first and most important factor that a business or government agency should consider is the effect that their exported species will have on the country they are transporting the species to.
B. The second thing that country leaders and businesses should evaluate is the importance, if there is any, of the species to other nations.
C. The third and final thing for businesses and government agencies to consider is the impact their species will have on another country.
The first and most important factor that a business or government agency should consider is the effect that their exported species will have on the country they are exporting the species to. For example, the United States is home to a species of balsam fir trees that grew abundantly in regions of the country. Unfortunately, a massive amount of these trees have perished due to a deadly infestation of balsam woolly adelgids. These insects were exported from Europe to the United States “accidentally” and the result was the mass devastation of the balsam fir trees. (Source A) Because of the carelessness of Europe in unintentionally transporting these insects, the United States has suffered through the loss of this species of tree. It is vital for nations to pay attention to what they are giving to other countries and try to foresee the long-term effects of their exported species’.
The third and final thing for businesses and government agencies to consider is the impact their species will have on another country. For example, in the mid-1930’s, Australia began to import cane toads in an effort to control the beetle population that was destroying sugar-cane crops. Unfortunately, the cane toads became a huge nuisance in the lives of the Australians, and “the voracious toads began munching on almost everything in sight…” (Source F) This shows that the Australians should have paid closer attention to the possible impact of the toads in modern life.
1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
Yes, the paragraphs of my essay indeed move in ways that make sense because they continually give evidence and inform readers of true facts. Also, they help answer the question proposed in the prompt and each paragraph works towards proving the same universal point.
2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
The organization of my essay is strong because each paragraph ranked, in a way, from most important to least important.
"The first and most important factor..."
The transitions between paragraphs are not smooth at all, and each concluding sentence summarizes the main point of the paragraph without introducing the next paragraph topic.
3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (
) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
Yes, my essay would be bountifully persuasive because of all my incorporated facts and arguments in each body paragraph. "...
deadly infestation of balsam woolly adelgids." "...recent outbreak of an illness known as SARS." "...import can toads in an effort to control the beetle population..."
No specific people
are spoken about in my essay. I could have been more specific about how the cane toads were wreaking havoc on the Australians.
4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (
Most of my claims answer this question, but some should produce more/stronger evidence when needed. I would say that the overall quality of my evidence is about 8 on a scale from 1 to 10. My essay could have used more detail in the paragraph commenting on the cane toad frenzy.
5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (
, 31a 1 and 3)
My essay has strong explanations of the factual evidence. For my sources, I cited them as, for example: "(Source A)."
6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or form the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
Yes, each topic sentence is based on the central point in the esssay. My most coherent paragraph is the one about the balsam fir trees and my least detailed/coherent paragraph is the one about cane toads.
7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what is your worst?
The well-developed paragraphs is the one on the balsam trees and the one on the SARS epidemic. My least-developed paragraph is, again, the one on cane toads.
8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
Yes, my essay is most deffinitely free of grammar and spelling errors. One minor glitch in my essay was that I forgot to put an apostrophe on the outside of "species" when referring to more than one.
1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
This essay is very interesting and educational. It would most likely appeal to people interested in current events and also tree-huggers.
2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
This essay is of the utmost effectiveness and would be very persuading to a classroom full of students. This is because it is clearly written, factual, and free of confusion.
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