P3+ATomasek

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //Business and government agencies need to begin experimenting with the new species in a controlled environment before shipping them off to see if they will have any effect on the economies not focused on. Also, agencies need to be checking cargo ships, airplanes, and other transportation devices for stowaways.//**

1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)
 * Yes, it explains that the agencies need to be more aware of they are shipping off and "need to pay more attention to the actual species they are sending out and thinking more about what effects they could have on the environment."**

2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)
 * Yes the thesis statement reflects everything in the essay because each body paragraph discusses a subject presented in the thesis. The first part of the thesis is about controlled experiments and that's what the first body paragraph is about. The second part of the thesis discusses checking transportation of stowaways and that's what the second body paragraph explains.**

3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)
 * My thesis is negative because it criticizes the agencies and what they fail to do.**

4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * Yes, it puts forth and argument worth arguing because it explains things that the government and business agencies. The argument is that the agencies aren't doing enough to prevent invasive species from doing harm to the land and that controlled experiments and thorough checking will help prevent it.**

5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)

6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)
 * It answers the "why" when it reads " to see if [the species] will have any effect on the economies not focused on. It explains the how" when it read " experimenting new species in a controlled environment."**

7. Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?
 * My thesis is clear in all of its points and the information is precise and limited. It gives enough background detail to let the reader know what is being talked about. My thesis is defensible because there is enough evidence in the sources to support my argument.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

//**__Introduction__:**// //**For decades, world trade has spread nonnative species throughout the world. Whether accidental or intentional, new species are brought into unknown environments and have effects on them. In many cases, nonnative plants and animals have harmed their new economies and regulations must be put in place. Business and government agencies need to begin experimenting with the new species in a controlled environment before shipping them off, to see if they will have any effect on the economies not focused on. Also, agencies need to be checking cargo ships, airplanes, and other transportation devices for stowaways. __Conclusion:__ Government and business agencies need to be doing more than just shipping their supplies out as fast as they can. The agencies need to pay more attention to the actual species they are sending out and thinking more about what effects they could be having on the environment. These accidents can be avoided and prevented, if the agencies would just take the time to really think about what they are sending out.**//

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * My first paragraph is somewhat interesting in that it puts forth a good argument with some background information. It provides concrete and specific detail but it doesn't necessarily grab the reader's attention. It could be worded differently and some statement are weak, such as, "regulations must be put in place." They are all focused on my topic, they could just be worded better to make it stronger.**

2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * I do not make a clear contract with the reader.**

3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)
 * The contract is not clear, there the conclusion does not satisfy it.**

C. Body //**__Topic Sentence-First Body Paragraph__: Conducting controlled experiments would greatly decrease the number of surprise effects a species has in an environment. __Topic Sentence-Second Body Paragraph__: Before shipping and trading a new plant or animal to a new area, business and government agencies need to be checking the cargo for "hitchhikers" (Source E) that have decided to tag along for a ride. __Best Body Paragraph__: Conducting controlled experiments would greatly decrease the number of surprise effects a species has in an environment. Experiment would have been useful to the growers in Queensland, Australia. They imported cane toads to rid the beetles chewing through the sugar-cane crops. However, they had only heard the good things they could do, and were completely blind to the bad things. The toads not only ate the beetles, but also other insects, bird eggs, and pet food. They were killing pets that would eat them and die from the dangerous poison. (Source F) If the toads had been placed in a controlled environment and were tested for harmful effects before being shipped off, the Australian growers never would have imported them and have to face bigger problems than what they started off with. Controlled experiments would prove to be very effective in decreasing the harmful surprises nonnative species perform. __Worst Body Paragraph__: Before shipping and trading a new plant or animal to a new area, business and government agencies need to be checking the cargo for "hitchhikers" (Source E) that have decided to tag along for a ride. Numerous times, unknown invasive species "ride in ballast tanks or aboard the hulls of ships, in airplane cargo hold and cabins, [and] in the nooks and crannies of shipping crates." (Source E) These inhabitants can be easily removed if the cargo is checked thoroughly. In the case of the balsam fir trees killed by an infestation, the insects that attacked the trees were accidentally imported from Europe. (Source A) Through thorough checking, these incident can be easily avoided and prevented from happening.**//

1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason?
 * The paragraphs do move in logical direction in that they branch off from the thesis and support it with evidence. The reader has some experience of getting someplace but the paragraphs are not quite fully developed enough for them to answer all questions they may have. The essay does not jump around, it just needs more detail.**

2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * The overall organization is pretty decent. It has some flow but it could be better. The strongest transition is from the third paragraph to the fourth paragraph and the weakest transition if from the second paragraph to the third.**

3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * I don't think my essay would be persuasive enough to someone who didn't support my thesis because there is not a whole lot of discussion. It mainly just talks about the incidents that could have benefited from the experiment and checking but there is not enough commentary. For example, paragraph two discusses the Australian farmers and the incident that happened. However, the only commentary I provided was that they should have been tested and that would have helped. People and a story would have been very helpful in developing my essay because right now it is just sort of bland and boring.**

4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4)
 * I do not answer the question "how do you know?" because there are places in my essay that don't have enough support. I have no prove that experiments would work, therefore making it impossible for me to answer the question "how do you know?" My evidence is strongest when discussing the cargo checks and it is the weakest when discussing the experiments.**

5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)
 * The evidence is explained clearly and cited correctly when necessary.**

6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * Each sentence leads to the central point. My most coherent paragraph is body paragraph one and my least coherent paragraph is body paragraph two.**

7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * All the body paragraphs are not fully developed. They all could use more support and commentary.**

8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * The is essay is clearly written but not completely free of errors. The most common mistake is the correct spelling of effect, whether it was effect or affect.**

Overall:

1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * The essay is the most interesting in the beginning. It is strong at first but gets weaker as you read on. The most interesting part is the introduction and the least interesting is the conclusion because it is very repetitive. There should be no points where the reader is confused but the body paragraphs could bore the reader.**

2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?
 * The essay starts off sounding like it will be effective, but the lack of detail and support makes it less effective. The thesis is good but there is not enough evidence and detail to support it and persuade the reader to believe it.**