P3+KKhan

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) //**The party that is in charge of the importing should know: a) where the species have come from, b) where was the species natural habits and c) what had the species endured.**//

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) -No, I believe that the thesis statement I have written at the end of my essay does not state the main point because in the essay I only bring up partly of what should have been argued.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) -No, I believe that the thesis statement only reflects parts of the essay. I do believe parts of the essay develop into the thesis statement.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) - The thesis statement is seen as a negative statement because it states examples of what should be done instead of what has been done.

Does your thesis post an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? - No my thesis does not state an argument. It basically states straight out what should be seen as factors of choosing species in an improved manner.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) -No, not every clause in the thesis statement is in an active tone. Ex: species natural habits; in charge of the importing.

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) - In my thesis I do not answer the question of how it is important to know how a species will affect a region. I also it do not mention why my main points are vital.

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? - I believe my thesis statement is very unclear. It is not very informative and does not state many facts; basically an opinion based answer.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) -	//**Being able to pick and choose what species are to be exported and imported is a very important job. There are many factors in choosing a certain species to import. The party that is in charge of the importing should know: a) where the species have come from, b) where was the species natural habits and c) what had the species endured;**// such as scratches, fights with other species etc. -	//**The steps that some of the businesses or government agencies should consider are the facts that they should take precaution in the things they receive.**// If our country makes a greater effort and concentrates on the safety of exportation and importation we could be a safer country.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) - I believe that my first paragraph is not very interesting because it lacks detail and also there is no concrete material included to hook the reader into my topic.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. - I make my contract somewhat wishy washy because I first argue that the gov’t should do a better job in exporting, then I say that they do give an effort, and finally I end with saying that the gov’t should make a greater effort in the exporting.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) - My contract does not satisfy my contract, like on the above question asked I take one side then take another and then come back to the first side.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

Best: In desperation one may rush things that they believe will help them in whatever it may be that they need help in. In source F it gives an example of why desperation in small things could lead to desperation towards big things. “Instead of concentrating on beetles, the voracious toads began munching on almost everything in sight.” The problem here was that they were sick of one thing and believed that another thing cold help them get rid of the main problem, but instead they were faced with an even bigger problem.

Worst: There can be many harms to the buyer (importer) if they were to bring in a species without having any background knowledge of it. In source B it states that “the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services banned import of civets (small catlike mammal) to the U.S.” In this source it gives an example of good judgment from the receiving party. But unfortunately the spread of SARS was still in effect.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? - The transition is very weak. It gives many random facts that don’t need to belong and the reader would end up getting confused. I moves from one point to a random point to a point and so forth.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? -	My essay would not be persuasive because it gives many random facts that wouldn’t quite attract the reader. One example that I may have proven a point is when I include this quote, "the voracious toads began munching on almost everything in sight." (Spotts) I state a fact that includes the existences of humans living in Australia. I do cite all my resources.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) -In my essay I answer the question of "How do you know?" by stating quotes that go with my argument. I believe my evidence is more believable when I include the quotes so reader could have actual truth.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) - No, my evidence does not strictly follow the MLA citation format. My parentheses are placed in the incorrect spots.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What was your least? - I believe that only a few sentences lead to a central point in my essay. The sentence that is the most rational sounding is when I talk about the toads in Australia. Though some of it may have been unnecessary information, like for example when I start writing about SARS, and giving a summary of it. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? - I believe that both of my paragraphs lack evidence and support. I think that my best developed paragraph had to do with the cane toads.

Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? -	I think that my essay may have a few grammar mistakes, and lack of semi colons when needed. For the most part though, my essay is clearly written.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? - My essay has a boring and confusing introduction, but maybe once the reader gets through my intro, he or she will find parts of the body and conclusion to be a bit more interesting. This essay may interest readers who are unaware of exportation and its weaknesses. I believe that readers who are already having a sense of what is going on with exportation would find this essay to be less interesting. The readers may become confused with the style of writing.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? - I do believe parts of the essay may seem a bit persuading, and I do believe that some class members may agree with the argument I present.

K. Khan Period 3 11/15/07