P4+KVargas

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //The transferring of species throughout countries, is an important business in the world, and can also be one of the many dangerous ones for our system of life.//**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) **Sort of, it explain that it is dangerous but not that something may be needed to make it slightly safer.**
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) **No, not everything it left out some key information. The essay did though develop what it mentioned in the thesis.**
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) It makes both a negative and a positive statement. It kind of contrasts both ideas.
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? It may depending on how you view it. **Though what it actually meant to say was that the transferring of species is dangerous and there shold be thing to consider before doing it.**
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) **They can be important, dangerous, and transferring.**
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) **No, it does not explain the why or how. Though it does state that it can be one of the most "dangerous ones for our system of life."**
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? **It has all that is needed to make clear what I am trying to say, although it may be missing some more controversy and argumental information in it.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

__Introduction:__ **//The transferring of species throughout countries, is an important business in the world, and can also be one of the many dangerous ones for our system of life.//** It can either harm us or have a good impact on our species/plants. many businesses and government agencies make the mistake of importing or exporting species to other countries. They don't keep in mind that by exporting the species without a knowledgeable reason of what they are, it can harm other countries. There are importan considerations to keep in mind when the safety of other's is at hand. __Conclusion:__ Overall these agencies know what they're doing. These factors just slip their mind. Such as the loss of knowledge in what they're receiving or sending, loss of knowledge in the actual place the species or plants are coming from, and lastly what harm can be done to many native plants. That can eventually turn dangerous themselves. The only thing really needed for agencies such as business and government need is a little more knowledge.
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) **Somewhat, it goes into what I'm trying to say but each time I'm almost there it kind of goes of topic. or i keep on rambling about the same thing. It gives specific material and examples.**
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. **I think that what the reader gets from me is clear at the start. That they understand that i'm somewhat against the transferring of these species.**
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) **Yes, it wraps up the finishing thought, and goes back to view all of the ideas I had presented during the essay.**

C. Body

__Topic:__ When businesses are careless, and they "accidentally" import invasive species it can be really harmful toward's the country receiving these nonnative plan'ts or species. __Best P.:__ Government and/or business agencies tend to isolate whatever may be harmful to other's Such as illnesses. When the SARS virus was discovered in Asia very soon many countries had it (Source B). Yet we didn't stop accepting the importation of the civets (coming from Asia), until after a year later when 774 people had died. What the agency must take in mind is that they should be aware of all the transferrings of species going on. For one reason, if they are not aware for all we know we can be importing invasive species from Europethat they received from Asia. For the agency's it would be best if they knew the very actual place of their imports and exported "goods," and where they came from. __Worst P.:__ Somteimes by transferring species or plant's to other countires, we could be ruining their habitat's (Source E). T exchange isn't always harmful to us, we could actually be "providing an increasing reservoir of potential invaders." We should set in mind, and so should both government and business agencies that they do sometimes "move intentionally beyond their natural ranges." they can actually be the ones that provide foreign countires with invasive species. This is not always intentional though it can occur "accidentally," when an agency just doesn't know. > **Yes, it moves in the direction in which I'm pointed to the reader. Which in this case would be what I strongly feel would be the correct considerations that agencies should apply before a transferring. Also it briefly points out to the reader my opinion not all of the time but in some cases. Such as, "Both business and government agency's should probably research what they're about to be receiving, and how it could be of any help or danger."** Overall: 1.How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? **This essay is sort of interesting. It would probably appeal more to reader's who like to know the problem faced straight out. but there are some parts where they may get consued.** 2.How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? **It would be a half point, because it did not really go in depth to the point of answering the question. I mean it answered it just not like many others would have answered it.**
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jumps around for apparent reason?
 * 1) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? **The strongest link between to paragraphs would be "That was a big mistake, the agency comitted. (Last sentence in first body paragraph) Government and/or business agency tend to isolate whatever may be harmful to other's. (First sentence in scond body paragraph)" It show's a sepration between two paragraphs but keeps the main idea the same. The weakest link would be "This is not always accidentally, when an agency doeasn't know. (Last sentence in third body paragraph) Overall these agencies know what they are doing. (First sentence in conclusion)" Both these sentences did not have a seperation to them and not only that but they did not flow together.**
 * 2) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? **My essay is persuasive when oyu get to the body paragraphs. I used sources to support my arguments stated. "When the SARS virus was discovered in Asia very soon many countries had it (Source B)."** **This could be a mores interesting essay if i would have added a story in between my weakest body paragraph to help it improve a little.**
 * 3) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) **This essay probably does not have a lot of evidence except for the sources i used to have as a support to my argumental points being made. My strongest piece of evidence would be, "Yet we didn't stop accepting the importation of the civets (coming from Asia), until after a year later when 774 people had died. What the agency must take in mind is that they should be aware of all the transferrings of species going on." My weakest would be "We should set in mind, and so should both government and business agencies that they do sometimes "move intentionally beyond their natural ranges." they can actually be the ones that provide foreign countires with invasive species. " The difference would be that one has support from a source while the other kind of summarized it.**
 * 4) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) **No, I did not use citations. but the evidence is clearly introduced.**
 * 5) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? **They all come from my topic sentence, and they just keep on going from there. Although the may have different things pointing out they are all tied to the same idea. My most coherent paragraph would probably be my 1st body paragraph and my least would be my 3rd body paragraph.**
 * 6) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? **Yes, they all explain a different idea and they all are supported by a source. My best would be my 2nd body paragraph because it reall ties closely to the source, and my least would be my 3rd body paragraph because I didn't realy know how to put in words what I wanted to say.**
 * 7) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?
 * No, I probably messed up in some spelling because I completely blanked out in some words I knew how to spell correctly before.Also my greatest weakness was probably my grammar and punctuation.**