P3+JWachman

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * //A business or government agency needs to evaluate examples of past experiences invasive species have had on environments and consider whether or not their transferring of a hardy, nonindigenous species will have a positive or negative effect.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) "A business or government agency that plans on transferring a nonindiginous species needs to make sure a positive effect will occur while knowing the effects of past examples." The thesis statement I wrote at the conclusion of my essay mirrors the one I started with. Throughout the entire essay I give examples of some negative affects nonindiginous species have had and the different ways unintentional problems can occur with the intentional/accidental introduction of nonnative species. My ending thesis statement wraps up what I was trying to prove throughout the essay.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) The essay is not completely reflected by the thesis. The thesis says I will talk about "examples of past experiences", which i do in the first paragraph, but I go off topic in the second paragraph and talk about how negative effects can be caused.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) My thesis statement makes neither a positive or a negative statement. It is neutral because it draws attention to the "positive" and "negative" effects a nonindiginous species can have on an environment.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? My thesis doesn't really present any argument at all. It instead states that an agency needs to "evaluate" and "consider" the facts but there isn't really anything worth arguing.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Every clause appears to be in the active voice. Subjects:Business, government agency, species Verbs:needs, evaluate, have, transferring

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) My thesis answers the "how" when it says, "A business or government agency needs to evaluate examples of past experiences invasive species have had...". My thesis sort of answers the "why" when stating that they need to, "...consider whether ... a nonindiginous species will have a positive or negative effect."

Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? My thesis is not very clear or precise because leaves a lot unanswered. For example, it leaves out if the past experiences were positive or negative themselves. In my opinion it wasn't defensible because there wasn't an argument trying to be made.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) Introduction: Humans have a large impact on the affects of what happens when an imported species is introduced accidentally or intentionally into a region. These invasive species sometimes thrive outside or their natural range, and consequently can either harm or help the native plants and animals. //**A business or government agency needs to evaluate examples of past experiences invasive species have had on environments and consider whether or not their transferring of a hardy, nonindigenous species will have a positive or negative effect.**//

Conclusion:
 * //A business or government agency that plans on transferring a nonindiginous species needs to make sure a positive affect will occur while knowing the effects of past instances.//** Many harmful things are traveling around the earth today. The wrong organism in the wrong place can cause loads of trouble. If an agency carefully does its research and is sure an introduction of a nonnative species will have a positive affect on the area, then they should proceed with their experiment, as is shown in Source G.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) My first paragraph isn't all that interesting because there isn't anything going on. The material would likely bore readers and make them put the essay down before continuing. It could be improved with clarity and some interesting facts.

Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. I did not make a clear contract with the reader. I made a flimsy agreement that stated too simply that I would point out how the the reasons why it should think before they act when it comes to the transportation of nonindigenous species.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) The conclusion of my essay satisfies the flimsy agreement that I made with the reader by reaffirming my stand that ,"The wrong organism in the wrong place can cause loads of trouble. If an agency carefully does its research and is sure an introduction of a nonnative species will have a positive affect on the area, then they should proceed with their experiment..."

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

//**Worst Paragraph**// Many examples of what nonnative species can do to an environment exist in nature today. Source A shows how native balsam fir trees have been killed by an "infestation of balsam woolly adelgids," accidentally imported insects. A business would need to be very careful of what they are importing. A simple bug, all the way down to a microscopic organism can wipe out a native species. Source D tells of a specific case in Hawaii where a simple yet exotic microbe destroyed a local papaya industry. The Perry family had a thriving Papaya industry until the microbe appeared for an unknown reason. If a government agency wanted to move a microbe that could help an area, they would need to carefully consider what could go wrong.

//**Best Paragraph**// Unwanted invasive species have caused a lot of trouble all over the world. In Source B the SARS outbreak of 2003, which caused 8098 people to become sick, was shown as an effect of nature, not a business or government experiment. Source B states that, "SARS may have been introduced to new areas by multiple routes." The effects of the outbreak resulted from a complex web of interactions and by many different means of transportation. Source E follows with a point that world trade drives the rearrangement of the living world in both intentional and accidental ways. It points out that the exotic plants and animals that "we" import are being moved beyond what nature intended them to, thus providing, "an increasing reservoir of potential invaders." Source E explains that these invaders are "hitchhiking" around the world in the goods bought and sold between countries. Source B and E compliment each other and reinforce the fact that organisms are transported outside of the area nature intended for them by various means and that many things can go wrong when these invasive organisms are introduced. An organization wishing to relocate a species for whatever reason needs to carefully examine that organisms are being swapped worldwide all the time; a lot of the time not having very positive effects, as is shown in these sources.

> For the most part my essay's grammar and spelling are good. In writing this essay i have learned that i have been spelling buisness (business) wrong my entire life.
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? The paragraphs of my essay move in a logical direction. They start with the small picture and expand to a bigger more important picture. Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? To some extent the reader will move towards a point because the essay moves in order of importance and cause and effect.
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? I think my essay is organized on an average level. I start in the first body paragraph by stating problems and the second body paragraph explains ways the problems were caused. My essay doesn't utilize transitions.
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? My essay would be persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement because I give specific examples of the what, how, and why of the invading species. What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? I first explain possible dangers of transplanting organisms and give examples of negative effects "bugs" and "microbes" have had in new environments. I then go on in the second paragraph and explain that theses things happen on accident and point out that if an organization tried to control it the results wouldn't necessarily be beneficial.([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Examples: Bug killing crops, microbe destroying papaya industry, accidental transportation of SARS virus, reservoir of potential invaders. Do you write about actual people in the essay? In the first paragraph i mention a family that had their papaya industry destroyed by an invading microbe. Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? I could make the essay more interesting by adding a surprising success story in the first paragraph to balance it out. Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I am not aware of a place where I should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided or corrected.
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? In the second paragraph I answer the question by giving the ways organisms are accidentally moved all the time, causing multiple problems. Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) I think the evidence that I use is quality, seeing as how I sited it from the supposedly accurate sources I was given. I think that my evidence is particularly strong when i mention the SARS virus and give facts and speculate on how it began. My evidence could be more precise when I broadly state the ways organisms are transferred.
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? The evidence introduced and explained is cited correctly. ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Each sentence in each paragraph ties back in to the topic sentence. My most coherent paragraph is my second body paragraph.
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? The second body paragraph is fully developed and the first is not; making the second body paragraph the best and the first the worst.
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? My essay is somewhat interesting because the topic affects the earth. To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? It would be more interesting to people that are studying in fields of science. To what kinds of readers less interesting? Children would not be very interested in this topic. What parts are most and what least interesting? The most entertaining part is the conclusion when everything is tied together. Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? The first paragraph is not very clear and would most likely confuse readers. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? This essay is somewhat effective because I use many examples to support my thesis. It would be more effective if i stayed on topic.