P4+UKeenawinna

__A. Thesis statement and essay unity.__
 * //The government agency would have to consider our environment and how the species could help it, our economy and how caring for the animals could affect it; the agency would also bring up issues about health and food and how the government would transport them.//**

> No, it does not. The end thesis veers away from the beginning. It does not talk about how the govenment should consider nonindigenous species, but how it could benefit some countries. > The essay develops at first, but as it goes on it veers away from the thesis and starts to state the pros and cons of nonindigenous species. > The thesis statement makes neither a positive or negative statement. It just states things that could be done to to be decided if nonindigenous species should be admitted. > It is not a an argument, because the directions do not say to take a stand. It just says for you to "evaluate" what needs to be considered. So no, the thesis statement does not pose an argument. > Yes, it states everything in the present tense, and does not elude to the past. (Subjects: Environment, species, economy, animals, agency, health, food, government, them. Verbs: help, caring, bring, transport.) > The thesis statement does not answer the question of how, but it does answer the question of why. They would need it because they would have people decide whether the species would help or hinder them. > My thesis statement is clear, informative, and precise. It does not defend a stand point, nor is it controversial. It is just a statement that has various bits of information in it.
 * Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])
 * Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3])
 * Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5])
 * Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
 * Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])
 * Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?

__B. Introduction and conclusion.__ Intro- Conclusion- > My first paragraph is semi-interesting. It provides specific material that the essay later alludes to. If some body paragraphs had stuck to the introduction, then the essay would have been a lot better. > No, my essay does not make a clear contract with the reader. > No the conclusion does not satisfy the reader, because it is just a sentence, which does not sum up the entire essay.
 * //Transferring nonindigenous species into other countries can prove to be either harmful, or can greatly aid in its lifestyle. Transportation of the species would have to first be approved by the government , who would then raise doubts about the species. The governement agency would have to consider our environment and how the species could help it, our economy and how caring for the animals could affect it; the agency would also bring up issues about our health and food and how the governement would transport them.//**
 * //Nonindigenous species could be helpful to some countries, but it is mostly bad to others.//**
 * Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How?

__C. Body__ Topic Sentences- Our economy could suffer greatly for the importation of nonindigenous species. Another thing that the governent would have to consider is the transportation of the species. On a good note, introducing nonindigenous species into different countries could be helpful to the health and the food supply of the country.//** Best paragraph- Worst paragraph- > The essay jumps around alot. It gives both sides of the story. It seems like it is going in one logical direction, but then it switches gears and moves in another direction. The transition in my essay are very weak ,to the point of being non-existent. > My essay could be a bit persuasive towards somebody who doubts my thesis statement, but it does not persuade a person enough. Each of the topic sentences are the strongest part in the body paragraphs of the essay. I do not include any outside sources. By adding a story about a virus could greatly help the story move forward. > In some parts of the body paragraphs, I give counterexamples to answer the question of " How do you know?" My evidence is strongest when I am talking about the transportation of viruses, and it is the weakest when I am talking about how nonindigenous species could be helpful to some countries. > It is cited the best it can be cited, when given sources only. > My most coherent paragraph with each sentence that lead to a central point is the paragraph about economy. My weakest is the paragraph about health and food. > Not every paragraph is developed. The Health and Food one could have a lot more information that it already did. Every other paragraph is developed, but they could still use some extra touches. > The essay has a few spelling errors. Other than that, it is relatively free of errors.
 * //In Source A, we are shown a picture of Fir trees that have been "killed by an infestation of balsam woodly adelgids."
 * //Another thing that the government would have to consider is the transportation of the species. In Source B, the author talks about the infection of SARS and how it may be received in different ways. Contact between humans and animals and how it may be moved by planes, trains, ships, and automobils. Are people supposed to halt all contact with one another so that viruses would no longer spread? Source E counterattacks that source though. It says that people move more species accidentally than intentionally. They are brought about in food, flowers, soils, and many other things. If the government were to stop all types of transportation, so that the world would no longer be full of viruses, we would have no contact with one another.//**
 * //In Source A, we are shown a picture of Fir trees that have been "killed by an infestation of balsam woodly adelgids." We can see that the adelgids destroyed the fir trees, which in turn is not good for our environment becuase trees give out the oxygen we breathe in. The trees in that area would not be able to grow back because the adelgids would destroy them again, making that area of the "forest" unusable. Some of the species we move intentionally thought, could help restore our environment. In Source E, we may see that some plants have been moved to " restore degraded lands." This makes things a lot better for the trees that were destroyed, for the cause of the adelgids.//**
 * Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4][|DIH 2.4]DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4][|DIH 2.4]DIH 2.4)
 * Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4][|DIH 2.4]DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)
 * Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

__Overall:__

> This essay is not as interesting as some other, well reasearched essay. If the writer was given more time, she would have put out a more interesting essay. The parts that are least interesting are the vey begining paragraphs. The writer was not quite sure on what to write about when she started. The last few paragrpahs tended to become more interesting. > This essay would not be very effective in persuading somebody because there is nothing to persuade. The writer did not take a side on the importation of nonindigenous species, so it is not very persuasive.
 * How interesting is this essay? To what kind of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * How effective an essay do you believe this is? That is, how successful would this essay be at persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?