P3+EZaidler

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. //**A government agency has to consider what would happen if for example several mongoose were set loose in a snake's habitat. When transporting items,, animals especially, the government seems to think only of the immediate benefit, not the overall consequence.**//

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? Yes it does, I speak about the immediate benefit and overall consequence in every paragraph.

Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? The essay backs the thesis up, the thesis is an answer to the actual question, the essay backs up my opinion.

Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? No, the thesis is more negative than positive because it is stating how all the nations need to think about the consequence. A positive thesis would have stated how the regulations are already decent, but could use some improvement.

Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? The arguement is worth arguing because in the documents given, it is true. It argues that more regulations are necessary.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? No, it is describing more of what could or will happen. (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) verbs: transporting, think subjects: items, benefit, government, consequences

Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. It does not state why and how, that is what the body paragraphs are for. It does not say why things are true either. It simply gives a point and an answer.

Is your thesis statement clear, precise and limited, controversial or informative, and defensible ? My thesis statement is quick and to the point, I wait to extend on it during the body paragraphs, thus, the thesis is not very informative. It is defensible, but it is more of a defense through opinion.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) In this era, man is transporting a huge amount of things, whether intentionalally or unintentionally. This can lead to formidable consequences. //**A government agency has to consider what would happen if for example several mongoose were set loose in a snake's habitat. When transporting items,, animals especially, the government seems to think only of the immediate benefit, not the overall consequence.**//

The truth is that regulations are minimal about what comes into a nation. We do not think about what or know that a bug might destroy a forest. To insert regualtions on what is imported the goveernment should first test the item in question. We have to see whether the benefits are worse than the consequences. Perhaps we cannot stop microscopic organisms yet. We should be able to control which animals and plants do to the environment. Once we set our regulations, incidents from source A or F will no longer occur.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? No, to me it seems boring that I read it. There is not enough information or excitement. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? Well, the I do not know whether I made a contract with the reader, no one has read it. My conclusion is on the same topic as the introduction, so if the reader liked the intro, he or she will like the conclusion.

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)

bestP: Nature can be greatly harmed if the environment is changed. The balsam wooly adelgids were the reason that the trees were destroyed. The government should be more careful about what it imports, this was uninetentional, thus we need more regulations. Australia wanted to save their sugar-cane from the beetles so they brought turtles. The turtles not only killed beetles, they ate birds eggs and insects. Australia's government considered only the immediate benefit, not the eventual consequences. They should have regulated the amount of turtles and their gender so they could not reproduce. This transfer was intentional, some transfers are not.

worstP: Many viruses have been spread by transportation through ships, such as the Black Plague. It destroyed one-third of Europe from a few Asian ships. Another virus spread throughout the world was SARS. In 2003 it was reported only in Asia, after a few months two dozen nations became infected. 774 people died worldwide because of the virus. HIV and AIDS were also transported in the same way nation to nation. How can a government stop this? It has to regulate who and what gets imported andn exported.

Expanidng is usually a god thing, whether it be a nation or a farm.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? The essay jumps around a few times, it seems that but at the same time, the point is made. It has a inconsistent yet logical direction.

Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The essay is organized to show the necessity of regulations. The transitions are either both good and bad. The weakest one is the sentence that ends the third paragraph, the strongest is the sentence leading up to the conclusion.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? No, not at all, the person reading this essay would hate me if he did not think the same way. That is how it is supposed to be. What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? There is one clear point, and if a person is against it, they are against the entire essay. In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? I wrote mostly about the documents and did not expand to oftenly on my own knowledge. if the documents were truthful, then I wrote about actual situations and people.

Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I should have expanded my explanation of AIDS, it is a good example, I should not stick only to the documents. The citations were correct, I simply put the source letter.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. I think the essay is weak because I bounce around from one subject to a slightly different one. A doubting reader would not be satisfied nor convinced. I think the conclusion is the strongest paragraph and that the body paragraphs in general are weak.

Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? What MLA citation, all we used were the documents given to us and I sited those just fine.

Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? All the paragraphs lead to one central point because they all lead to "immediate benefit compared to overall consequence". My most coherent paragraph is the first body paragraph, it defends point stronger than the other two which are equally weaker. Is every paragraph fully developed? Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? The first body paragraph is better developed and more clear. The other two are developed but not as much. My second body paragraph may be slightly weaker either becasue I was lazy or I did not support it with enough evidence. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? What are your most frequent errors? The neatness is of horrible quality, the spelling is pretty good, if I did not know how to spell a word, I did not use it.

Overall:

How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? This essay is not very interesting, I'd go as far to say that it is boring. It may interest old people that like boring readings. The most intersting part is the conclusion, when the end is near one gets excited. The reader will not be confused, the essay is straightforward most of the time. The reader will simply be bored. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? The other members of the class may well fall asleep because half of them have the attention span of mice.They would not be pesuaded too much, although, those who do not need persuading would agree.