P3+JJohnston

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //Government agencies or other businesses need to consider what would happen if they imported a foreign plant or animal. They need to consider if the imported plant or animal would cause damage to the country, if the intentional foreign animals that are being imported could carry harmful foreign invaders, and if a foreign animal has done the job it was supposed, how to get rid of it.//**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])//The thesis I have written does express the main point in the essay. It answers the prompt directly and tells what I am going to write about in the essay.//
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) //The thesis statement does reflect everything in the essay and the essay develops everything in the thesis statement. In the essay I repeat what is stated in the thesis and is expanded upon in the essay.//
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) //My thesis is a negative statement because it is criticizing the government agencies and businesses. "Government agencies or other businesses need to consider what would happen if they imported a foreign plant or animal."//
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? //My thesis is and argument worth arguing because it shows that government agencies and businesses need to consider how their actions might affect their environment.//
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) //Yes, my thesis is in the active voice. For example, "They need to consider..." is in the active voice because the government agencies and businesses would have to presently "consider" their actions.//
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) //My thesis does state the why and how to the satisfaction of the reader. It tells what the government agencies and businesses should consider, such as, "They need to consider if the imported plant or animal would cause damage to the country, if the// //intentional foreign animals that are being imported could carry harmful foreign invaders, and if a foreign animal has done the job it was supposed, how to get rid of it."//
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? //My thesis is clear and precise, but it could use some work in being defensible. Some of the arguments are very similar.//

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Intro: //**For years nonnative plants and animals have been transported either intentionally or nonintentionally to other countries and continents. They can cause a devastating affect on the nation's own wildlife and agriculture.**// **//Government agencies or other businesses need to consider what would happen if they imported a foreign plant or animal. They need to consider if the imported plant or animal would cause damage to the country, if the intentional foreign animals that are being imported could carry harmful foreign invaders, and if a foreign animal has done the job it was supposed, how to get rid of it.//**

Conclusion**: //Overall, the government agencies and businesses should think carefully before they import foreign organisms because it could be a hazard to the nation's health and economy. They should think if the organism is dangerous, if they carry dangerous organisms or diseases, and if they are worth the trouble.//** > //My first paragraph all right and it is semi-interesting. It could use some more work in describing the topic more. It provides a little bit of material to catch the readers attention such as, "////For years nonnative plants and animals have been transported either intentionally or nonintentionally to other countries and continents. They can cause a devastating affect on the nation's own wildlife and agriculture." It states what the essay's topic is, but it can be improved.//
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * 1) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. //Yes, I made a clear contract with the reader. My contract was to persuade that government agencies and businesses should consider the dangers of importing foreign animals.//
 * 2) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) //Yes, because it restates the contract with the reader and explains why importing foreign animals is bad.//

C. Body

Topic Sentences: //**"The most important fact that a government agency or business should consider is would the imported animal or plant would be harmful to the nation's agriculture.**//**" //"Another thing that the government agencies and businesses should think about is whether an intention imported animal could bring unintentional invaders." "Even if an animal is brought in intentionally, then could still be dangerous without any viruses with them."//**

Best Paragraph:
 * //Even if an animal is brought in intentionally, then could still be dangerous without any viruses with them. In Source F, Australians government decided to import cane toads to destroy their beetle infestation, but soon regreted it. The cane toads ate not only the beetles, but they ate, "insects, bird eggs, and even pet food." Not only did they eat everything, but they were poisonous also, killing pets. Since they were such a problem, the government had to go on a multimillion-dollar campaign to stop them. The government spent more money trying to make the toads go away than they would have initially from the beetles.//**

Worst Paragraph:
 * //Another thing that the government agencies and businesses should think about is whether an intention imported animal could bring unintentional invaders.//** //**In Source B, an outbreak of SARS made thousands of people sick and some died. This happened because people were importing an animal called a civet and people were being exposed to the virus they were carrying. It was dangerous to import foreign animals. In Source E, the author talks about how many intentional importations could bring along "hitchhikers" that could be dangerous. It also stated that many more unintentional foreign organism outnumber the animals that come in intentionally. There should be a stricter screening process to check for unintentional invaders.**//


 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? //My paragraphs do go in a logical direction. First, it talks about the dangers to the agriculture of the nation, then it talks about the dangers to the inhabitants of the nation, then it talks about the permanent problems after importing animals. The essay moves to the point that foreign animal should not be imported unless thought about critically. My strongest transition was probably, "Even if an animal is brought in intentionally, they could still be dangerous without any viruses with them." My weakest transition was// //"Another thing that the government agencies and businesses should think about is whether an intention imported animal could bring unintentional invaders." It really doesn't have anything to do with the previous paragraph.//
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? //First, it talks about the dangers to the agriculture of the nation, then it talks about the dangers to the inhabitants of the nation, then it talks about the permanent problems after importing animals.// //My strongest transition was probably, "Even if an animal is brought in intentionally, they could still be dangerous without any viruses with them." My weakest transition was// //"Another thing that the government agencies and businesses should think about is whether an intention imported animal could bring unintentional invaders." It really doesn't have anything to do with the previous paragraph.//
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? //My essay would not be persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statements. I just summarize the sources and do not prove my point very clearly. "////In Source B, an outbreak of SARS made thousands of people sick and some died. This happened because people were importing an animal called a civet and people were being exposed to the virus they were carrying. It was dangerous to import foreign animals." I do not write about actual people in the essay. "I could make the essay more interestin by adding more explanation in the second paragraph. It needed to be explained a lot more instead of being summarized.//
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) //My essay does not answer the question "How do you know?" to satisfy a doubting reader. The overall quality of the evidence used in the essay was poor and could have been elaborated more thoroughly on. My evidence is the strongest in the third paragraph about the Australian cane toads. It supports the idea that it costed the government millions of dollars because they imported the toads.//
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) //The sources are introduced clearly, but it is not in accordance with the MLA format.//
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? //Each sentence in each paragraph does lead to or from the central point. They all talk about how importing foreing animals could be hazardous.//
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? //Each paragraph is not fully developed. Some paragraphs are and those are the introduction paragraph, the third body paragraph, and the conclusion. The first and second body paragraphs could use some work. My best developed paragraph was my third body paragraph and my worst was my second body paragraph.//
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? //This essay had some spelling and grammar errors. Sometimes I didn't finish the ends of clauses such as "supposed..." when it was supposed to be "supposed to." I also put in a wrong prefix when I put "nonintentional" when it should have been "unintentional."//

Overall:
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? //My essay is not very interesting. It basically summarizes the sources. It wouldn't be interesting to any kinds of readers. The most interesting part would probably be my introduction and my least interesting would be my second body paragraph. There are parts where the readers will be bored, which are the body paragraphs.//
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? //I would say that this essay is not very effective. It wouldn't be very persuasive because I don't elaborate on my evidence.//