P3+LAtwood

A. Thesis statement and essay unity 1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) Yes, the thesis statement states what the government should focus on before introducing a native species to a new environment. 2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) The thesis statement reflects the outline of what will be discussed in the essay. However, some of the main supportive details should also be discussed in the thesis that are discussed in the essay. The essay does elaborate on what is being discussed in the thesis statement. 3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) The thesis statement is a positive statement. It focusses on what the government can do about the introduction of a native species, not what the government did wrong. 4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Yes, the thesis does present an argument. The argument made is that before a native species is intentially added to a different environment, the long term affects on the new environment should be looked at. It states to look at how this might affect the people and animals will be affected by the native species. It is worth arguing because it is the lives of these people and animals that will be affected by this native species, therefore, it must be looked at. 5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Yes, it states that the government should //look// at the impact of a native species. The thesis statement also says that it is important to //ask// about how the native species will affect the environment. 6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) Yes, the thesis statement answers to the questions "why?" and "how?". It gives the "why?" and "how?" by saying that it is best to look at the effects on the current species living in the environment in order to see if it will harm them. 7. Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? The thesis statement is clear in that it is straight forward. The thesis statement is also precise and limited in that it explains what will be defended in the essay following it. The thesis statement states a point that not everyone may believe in, therefore it is controversal. The thesis statement gives an opinion that others might not agree with or have thought of, therefore it is informative. The point made may be controversial, but it can also be accepted by the reader. This makes the thesis statement defensible.
 * The government should look at how introducing a native species would truly help the country, who would be affected, and the long term affects, rather they be good or bad. //The most important thing to ask if if the native species will harm the environment and the people and animals that already live in it.//**

B. Introduction and conclusion. Introduction paragraph: There are many things that the government and people of business need to consider before transfering a native species to another country or environment. The government should look at how introducing a native species would truly help the country, who would be affected, and the long term affects, rather they be good or bad. //**The most important thing to ask if if the native species will harm the environment and the people and animals that already live in it.**// Conclusion paragraph: Introducing a native species to a new country or environment isn't always the best idea. These species could ruin the fragile ecosystem. Animals and plants in a region rely on a cycle to live, and a native species could negatively affect that, disrupting the ecosystem. As shown with the exotic microbes and the civets, foreign species can ruin the ecosystem and disrupt it. The government should therefore consider regulating a native species in a controlled environment rather than in an uncontrolled environment.

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) The first paragraph is somewhat interesting since the point made isn't talked about much today in the media, even though it is a major issue. This might interest the readers because the topic affects them. 2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Yes, there is a clear contact with the reader. The contact made to the reader is that it is about an issue that will affect them and the world that they live in. 3. Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) The conclusion summarizes the main points that are brought up in the body paragraphs. The conclusion also brings the first paragraph to a close by mentioning and ending ideas that were brought up in the first paragraph.

C. Body

Topic sentences: ۰ Over the course of history, there have been many importations of native species to another country. ۰ In many cases, an outbreak of a disease spreads like a native species from person to person, country to country. ۰ The government has a new hope for introducing a plant called the quiona to native lands. Best paragraph: In many cases, an outbreak of a disease spreads like a native species from person to person, country to country. SARS was one disease that reached two dozen countries in just a few months (Source B). There are certain methods of controlling a disease from spreading, and it starts by finding its source. When the SARS outbreak occurred, the government reacted by finding a source. The import of the small animals, civets, seemed to be a major cause since people handling them were beginning to develop SARS. The imports of civets then stopped, and the outbreak died down. Despite this, the SARS outbreak has shown how quickly a virus can spread to several countries. Viruses spread to countries quickly is because with new technology, humans are able to come to close contact with each other who might not have been in close contact if there wasn’t good technology. If people aren’t properly scanned before entering or leaving a country, then diseases can spread really quickly to many different countries. Worst paragraph: Over the course of history, there have been many importations of native species to another country. Some of these instances are accidental, while others are intentional. In the case of Jenny and Delan Perry, an exotic microbe destroyed their crops and their way of life (Source D). An exotic microbe might not have been intentionally placed on the Perry’s farm, but it might have accidentally spread there through other methods. It might have been brought over on a ship or a car. Government officials should try to contain and check cargo on ships so that this cannot happen again. 1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The essay appears to be moving in a logical direction. The reader may have questions answered and a point may made clear to them. There isn’t too great of a transition between paragraphs. There needs to be a clearer point carried throughout each of the paragraphs. 2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Overall, there is a similar theme throughout each paragraph. However, there isn’t that much of a transition between each paragraph. 3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? The essay would be persuasive to people who may not believe the thesis statement. The paragraph uses emotional and factual information about the SARS outbreak as well as the event that took place with the Perrys. The essay could be more interesting if a story about the Incas would have been added about the quinoa plant. There are a few places when talking about the civet animal that could be cited more in order to show that it really is factual information. 4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) The evidence is the strongest when talking about the consequences of introducing a native species to a new environment. There is a lot of factual and opinionated support for the ideas that are presented. The evidence was weakest in what the government should do in order to change a native species from entering a country accidentally or intentionally. 5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) Not all of the factual information is cited. Those that are cited aren’t cited correctly either. 6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Each paragraph does seem to lead from the central point that was made in the topic sentence. The most coherent paragraph is the one that talks about the civets and the SARS outbreak. The least coherent paragraph is the one that talks about the native microbe outbreak on the Perry farm. 7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Every paragraph isn’t fully developed. The third body paragraph and the conclusion paragraph don’t seem to be fully developed. The best developed paragraph is the one that talks about the SARS outbreak, and the least developed paragraph is the conclusion paragraph. 8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? The essay appears to not have any grammar or spelling errors. However, there seems to be a bad usage of words. The sentences could have been written so that the sentences would flow smoothly from one sentence to the next.

Overall:

1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? The essay is interesting in that it talks about a subject that is rarely talked about. It is also interesting in that is relates to the history of our world. This might be more interesting to someone who is studying ecology. Teenagers and pre-teens might not find it as interesting as others might. The most interesting parts are the parts where it talks about the history and how the introduction of native species affects people. The least interesting part of this essay is the talking about what can be done since not too much evidence is given on that subject. There are no parts that should confuse the reader. 2. How effective an essay do you believe this is? That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? This essay is a moderate persuasion of the thesis statement. There are a lot of points that are made in the essay that are supported by facts. These ideas are given in the thesis statement.