P3+TPatton

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//**If businesses and government agencies insist on bringing these foreign species into their country, they must be sure that the species will not harm the people or plants they are trying to protect by thouroughly understanding what this organism is capable of doing.**//

1. Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])
 * //I wouldn't know if the thesis statement at the end of the essay expresses the main point because there isn't one.//**

2. Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) //**The thesis statement does reflect everything in the essay because in each paragraph there is an example reflecting how the government doesn't use proper research to determine exactly what the organism is capable of. The essay does develop everything in the thesis statement.**//

3. Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) //**My thesis makes a negative statement because it criticizes the agencies and businessess for not doing a thourough job when importing exotic species.**//

4. Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * //Yes, my thesis gives an argument that is worth arguing because it can affect everyone in a negative way if it is not handled. The argument is that businnesses and government agencies are not being careful enough when bringing in species that are not native to the country.//**

5. Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) //**Yes, the thesis statement is in the active voice. ( "...the species will not harm" and "...this organism is capable")**//

6. Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])
 * //The thesis doesn't explain"how?", but it does explain "why?" when it says, "...they must be sure that the species will not harm the people or plants they are trying to protect".//**

7. Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?
 * //The thesis statement is clear because it says exactly what is wrong and it is precise because it says what needs to be done about the problem.//**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction Paragraph: //**Throughout the years, governments have allowed many invasive species into their country. Whether on purpose or not, these species have caused epidemics throughout the world. Through hasty decisions and poor research, many people and other living organisms have been affected by these invasive creatures. If businesses and government agencies insist on bringing these foreign species into their country, they must be sure that the species will not harm the people or plants they are trying to protect by thouroughly understanding what this organism is capable of doing.**//

1. Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * //The first paragrah is interesting because it clearly defines the problem. The paragraph explains the problem without specific details so it draws in the reader to read further to figure out what exactly has caused these epidemics.//**

2. Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. //**There isn't a clear contract with the reader.**//

3.Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) //**There is no conclusion paragraph.**//

C. Body

Topic Sentence for Paragraph 1: The Rest of Paragraph 1(BEST): //**Source E states, "The exotic plants and animals we import or move intentionally beyond their natural ranges...provide an increasing reservoir of potential invaders." By bringing in foreign organisms we think are harmless, we don't provide lengthy research on them to figure out if they are carrying a harmful species. These harmful organsims may start infecting people and agriculture that are essential to the economy. An example of this is when Australia imported cane toads to get rid of the beetles that were eating up the Queensland's sugar-cane fields. The toads seemed like a good idea, but then they started eating everything, not just the beetles, and began moving their poisonous little bodies into the rest of the country.(Source F) This example shows how importing foreign species, without proper analysis, can do more harm than good. If the farmers in charge of the sugar-cane fields weren't so quick to import these toads, they might have done more research and realized how dangerous they actually are. When bringing in exotic species, these businesses and agencies need to do extensive research on not just the organism itself, but also on the potential threats these organisms may cause.**//
 * //Many times these invasive species are brought in intentionally to fix a problem, when really they just create one.//**

Topic Sentence for Paragraph 2: //**Along with intentionally importing species, sometimes harmful organisms make their way into the country through strange ways.**// The Rest of Paragraph 2(WORST): //**In Source A, a picture of dead balsam fir trees killed by balsam woolly adelgids is shown. This is an example of what can happen when accidental species invade these native lands. The government was unaware that the adelgids had come into the United States, but they should learn from this and study the balsam woolly adelgids thoroughly to realize where they came from to prevent a problem in the future. In 2003, there was a SARS outbreak in over two dozen countries throughout the world. Researchers weren't sure where it came from at first, but in 2004 they realized it was being transferred through catlike mammals called civets. Of course, the government banned the importation of these animals, but later realized it wasn't just the animals that caused the infection, but people who had the virus were infecting other people.(Source B) This is a clear example that the researchers job isn't just to evaluate the species, once they figure out where the problem is coming from, but also to evaluate the proposed threat it brings. Events like this should be evident to the people bringing in things, like the civets, that thorough research must be done on everything to eliminate cases like this one.**//

1. Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? //**The paragraphs in this essay are in a logical order because it starts off with species brought in on purpose and then leads to species that are brought in accidentally. I think the point of this essay is very clear that government agencies and businesses must provide more research to fully examine the foreign things they are bringing into their countries.**//

2. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * //The transition between the first and second paragraph is strong; however the transitiont between the introduction and first paragraph isn't as strong.//**

3. Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? //**I think the rest of the essay supports the thesis pretty well and would persuade someone to believe and understand it more. There were lots of times when the thesis was referenced in the essay like when it says, "When bringing in exotic species, these businesses and agencies need to do extensive research on not just the organism itslef, but also on the potential threat these organsims may cause". I did not write about actual people in the essay and I would have liked to explain the SARS case better.**//

4. In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) //**I don't think the essay fully answers the question "How do you know?" to fully satisfy a doubting reader. The strongest evidence is in the first paragraph when it discusses the cane toads in Australia. The weakest evidence is in the second paragraph when it talks about the SARS outbreak because I feel it wasn't explained as well as it could have been.**//

5. Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) //**The evidence is explained well for the most part and all the citations are accurate and precise.**//

6. Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * //I think each sentence goes back to the topic of that paragraph very well. The first paragraph, however, was more coherent than the second.//**

7. Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * //Each paragraph is developed fairly well, but the second is weaker than the first and introduction.//**

8. Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? //**The essay is very clear about the point it is trying to convey and it has almost no grammar, spelling, and usage errors.**//

Overall: 1. How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? 2. How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? //**I think it has a very good point that it tries to make, but I don't think it is conveyed as strong as it could be in the body paragraphs with the evidence that is provided.**//
 * //If the reader isn't interested in knowing about problems in our society then they probably wouldn't be very interested in the essay. It was interesting to learn about different things that have affected our soceity, such as the SARS epidemic, because of these foreign invaders that I didn't know existed.//**