P3+MDang

=Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //As heterotrophs in our global community, we affect and are affected by introducing non indeginous species to a region. Instead of resulting to only the extremes of stricter regulations on animal dispersion or not, government agencies and business’ should find a happy medium.//**

-** Yes, and no. I do talk about how we are affect and are affected by introducing non indeginous species, but alas, I do never really touch on the happy medium I suggest in the thesis.
 * Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2)

-**The thesis statement does reflect everything in my essay. I gathered data from Source F, B, C, G, and A to prove how animal and plant intergration can be lethal, yet beneficial in some cases. It can be lethal for the obvious reasons that we are not advanced species who can adapt to foreign pathogens and unfamiliar microbes. I also used information of the infamous SARS outspread in China, which was tested to have originated from a cat like species called civets.I also go how introducing non indeginous species can be benefical. For example our economy depends on manufacturing industries like aquaculture. Countries like Japan depend on the cultivation of sealife brought in.
 * Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3)

-** The thesis statement is neither positive or negative. I am not choosing to argue for either stricter regulations or loose regulations regarding removal of species from their habitats, but showing how they both benefit and harm our world.
 * Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5)

-** Yes. Some aspects of introducing non native species to a region, way heavier on being non beneficial than benefical. But overall, even though there is less examples of introducing non natives into regions being helpful, ultimately it proves helpful. For example, the quinoa plant is vital and enriched in protein, it drastically helps the people who consume it.
 * Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?

-** Every clause in the thesis is in the active voice. "As heterotrophs in our global community, we affect and are affected by introducing non indeginous species to a region."
 * Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
 * Subject**: heterotrophs, non indeginous; **Verb**: affect, affected, introducing

" Instead of resulting to only the extremes of stricter regulations on animal dispersion or not, government agencies and business’ should find a happy medium."
 * Subject**: government agencies and business'; **Verb**: resulting

- Unfortunately, my thesis statement does not answer why or how to the satisfaction of a doubting reader. It also lacks to state the reason why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay.
 * Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4)**

- Sadly and once again my thesis is not clear, percise, limited, or controversial. I do think that the topic in whole is a pretty controversial subject and is quite informative, but it lacks percises, clear statements.
 * Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)?**

B. Introduction and conclusion.
Intro:" **// Intergrading non native species or plants have many consequences and benefits to them. As heterotrophs in our global community, we affect and are affected by introducing non indeginous species to a region. Instead of resulting to only the extremes of stricter regulations on animal dispersion or not, government agencies and business’ should find a happy medium."//**

Conclusion: **//"Relocating species and plants show equal contribution to the world by allowing new job opportunities and improving people's heath. It has been proven that it is as equally as destructive with widespread diseases and destroyed ecosystems. (Source A)  The best solution Government agencies and business' can do is conduct stable and contained labs on intergrading species.  But with the time and money that goes along with these procedures, it almost makes it impossible to find a temporary solution, which forces us to go on our best judgements.  Until humans can evolve and adapt to foreign microbes and species we can only hope for the best in animal/plant integration."//**


 * Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)**

-For such a "science-y" topic, I try to appeal to a wide audience, alluding to an example from the popular Fox TV show, The Simpsons, where the family goes to Australia and brings back the frogs, which led to an "epidemic of toads eating pets, crops, and competing with the other species for survival."

-Yes and no. This essay is basically a fact based written essay, with less show and more tell into it. The conclusion sadly does not satisfy. It is very obvious that I was running out of time, and quickly tied it together.
 * Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.** Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)**

=C. Body=

Topic: **//"Intergrading non native species or plants have many consequences and benefits to them."//**

Best Paragraph: //**" There are many obvious risks to introducing a non native specie to another region. TV shows like The Simpsons have done parodies of the Australian toad incident, which teaches a wide audience of its consequences.  In 1983 two types of beetles were tampering with the sugar cane fields, so farmers decided  import toads to eliminate the beetles.  Instead the toads started eating everything and poisoning species who ate them.  Soon an epidemic of toads spread throughout Australia. (Source F)  Introducing a non native specie also can disrupt the ecosystem. To create or bring more wildlife back to Catalina, the  people decided to bring buffalos to graze on the hilltops.  Instead of the hopeful result of frolicking buffalos roaming freely, they started to compete with the other native species and eventually killing them off.   There's also studies that human exposure to certain exposure to certain animals can infect us. Like in January 13, 2004. the US Department of Heath and Human Sources banned the imports of civets. (Source B) Civets exposure to humans showed a high increase of the SARS virus. Those who argue for tighter restrictions have to deal with the fact that we can not stop our interactions with animals in fear of spreading microbes. And eliminating travlingn species to a different region has been shown to equally help our economy and heath."**//

Worst Paragraph: " //**Relocating species and plants show equal contribution to the world by allowing new job opportunities and improving people's heath. It has been proven that it is as equally as destructive with widespread diseases and destroyed ecosystems. (Source A)  The best solution Government agencies and business' can do is conduct stable and contained labs on intergrading species.  But with the time and money that goes along with these procedures, it almost makes it impossible to find a temporary solution, which forces us to go on our best judgements.  Until humans can evolve and adapt to foreign microbes and species we can only hope for the best in animal/plant integration."**//


 * Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**

-My essay roughly flows, but overall could have been better organized. The best transitions were from the last paragraph to the conclusion. "These areas could significantly benefit from the Quinoa plant consumed in the people's daily diet. Taking this plant from the mainland and bringing them to the highland areas, helped many people with malnutrition and proves moving a species from it original habitat into another region does benefit.            Relocating species and plants have shown equal contribution to the world.  Allowing new job openings and improving people's heath...." The weakest transition is my conclusion and tying all the information together.

**Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?**

-The overall essay lacked organization and would not be persuasive to a doubtful reader. You can tell in my thesis and conclusion that I was even doubtful. Some strong points are in the first body paragraph when I use outside information about the buffalos and The Simpsons. I could of benefited from outside information about aquaculture to prove a stronger point in argument on how non native species in a different habitat can benefit us.

//**In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3)**//

- How do I know? I only knew background information from taking Biology classes and the sources given to me. Again, I would no satisfy a doubting reader. The evidence I give were all from the documents given.

//**Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?**//

-My most frequent errors were repetition of words like, non native, integration, non indigenous, benefits,etc. I do no believe the essay was written clearly. The least developed paragraph had to be my first beginning paragraph and my thesis which was very poor and not well thought out. My most coherent paragraphs were my body paragraph because they are and the most thought out part in my essay.

Overall:=

**How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?**

-Overall, this is one of the most non interesting essays I have ever written in my life. it appeals to virtually no one, even those hopeful science students like me, would never read such an oblivious essay. The last sentence in my conclusion was the most interesting and fun to me to write. "Until humans can evolve and adapt to foreign microbes and species, we can only hope for the best in animal/plant integration." And in the end, the thesis was confusing, along with the conclusion to make an overall confusing essay.


 * How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**

-I'm not persuading for or against "removal of non indigenous species from their original habitat to a foreign region", so it is a very ineffective essay. I did not choose a side or an argument and there is no thesis sentence to work off of.