P3+KWilson


 * 1) Thesis statement and essay unity.
 * //Before moving any species to a new habitat, strong considerations include the purpose for moving this animal, understanding the animal’s behavior habits, and how doing this will effect the situation (positively or negatively).//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? -Yes, the thesis seems to hit the key points the essay is about. It includes all of the direct topics the reader will comprehend.

([|TS 2]) # Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? -Yes, it reflects everything in the essay. Within the thesis, the items listed are the main topics on the body paragraphs.

Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? -Yes, the essay describes in more detail what the thesis is bringing to the reader.

([|TS 3]) # Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? -The thesis statement seems to be rather neutral in its position. It also just gives ideas to what a business should make sure they do.

([|TS 5]) # Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? -Yes, the thesis does posit an argument that is actually worth arguing because it gives specific examples and reasons onto what a business should do before importing a new species to native land.

What is that argument? -A business should not just import a species to a native land without taking into consideration the animals’ behavior habits, the true reason for bringing the animal, and how this will effect the situation.

Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? -Yes, every clause seems to have an active voice in that it is a direct statement and shows the specifics onto what the business must take into consideration.

([|TS 6]) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. -In “the purpose for moving this animal” the subject is the animal and the verb is the purpose. In “understanding the animal’s behavior habits” the subject is again, the animal and the verb is understanding it. In “how doing this will effect the situation (positively or negatively), the subject is the situation of moving the species, and the verb is again understanding why.

([|TS 4]) # Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? -Yes, the thesis appears to be concise but possibly a bit too wordy. The thesis can be shortened and maybe even changed so it flows a little better.

__Introduction__ -All animals have different behaviors. Where two animals can have a mutual relationship, another couple will want to eat eachother. Large groups of animals can be significant to their environment and the ecosystem in which they exist. A “native species” is an organism that naturally reproduces or lives in a certain area. When a native species and an “illegal immigrant” species meet, chaos may come into play. **//Before moving any species to a new habitat, strong considerations include the purpose for moving this animal, understanding the animal’s behavior habits, and how doing this will effect the situation (positively or negatively).//** __Conclusion__ -Before ever considering the transfer of a native species to a new habitat, they must strongly consider the species’ behavior habits, understand their exact purpose for doing so, and how this will impact their situation positively and negatively.
 * 1) Introduction and conclusion.

Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? -The first paragraph is not very interesting. It seems to ramble quite a bit and not give the reader a clear understanding of what the essay will be discussing exactly.

(2d) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. -No, the contract with the reader is not clear. Basically, the paragraph is just putting facts together that will kind of give an overview of what will be discussed.

Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) -No, the conclusion is very weak and doesn’t satisfy the contract with the reader. It is choppy and too short to sum up the entire essay. The closing would be better if it explained a little more what was learned and how a business can learn from previous mistakes.

__First Topic__ -First off, the business moving a native species into a new habitat must understand their exact purpose for doing so. __Second Topic__ -The next thing for a business to consider when transferring a new species into an environment, is understanding the organism’s behavior habits. __Third Topic__ -Lastly, a business needs to consider the positive and negative effects of this movement. __Best paragraph__ -The next thing for a business to consider when transferring a new species into an environment, is understanding the organism’s behavior habits. The organism’s behavior habits. Unfortunately, Australia found out the hard way when introducing a type of toad to the land. They’re initial reason for bring this species was for them to eat the beetles that were devouring Queensland’s sugar cane. Not only was the introduction a failure, but it also hurt Australia’s economy. The toads ate everything from bird eggs to pet food. (Source F) Any animals that are not known specifically for their eating habits and living necessities should not be brought and associated with a native species. __Worst Paragraph__ - Lastly, a business needs to consider the positive and negative effects of this movement. If the animal being transferred contains a parasite that is harmful to the native plants, then that species shouldn’t be brought to that area. In Source D, small microbes destroyed the papaya plantation of the Perry’s. If animals carry a mutual relationship with a similar microbe, then harmful oncomings will damage the native species.
 * 1)  Body

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? -Yes, the paragraphs move in a logical direction. The first point is most important to consider, while the last is something that is often forgotten but reminds the reader why it’s important.

Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? -The reader has a very small experience of getting someplace and answers most of the questions. The overall essays tends to jump around to reasons that do connect, but they do not flow together completely.

Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? -At the beginning of the essay, the points seem to be a bit stronger. By the ending and closing points, the essay seems to fall apart and ideas are grabbed from thin air.

Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? -The essay may be persuasive to someone who doubts my thesis statement, but there deffinately needs to be more specific examples and clearer evidence of the points I am trying to make.

([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. -“A way to solve this was bringing the Japanese Oyster, Atlantic Salmon, and the California Abolone into the picture.” This point is clearly stating that a way to give variety to sea food eaters is introducing more of these species.

Do you write about actual people in the essay? -No, the situations described are mainly about the animals and how they should be understood and analyzed before being taken from their natural habitat.

Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? -The essay could be made more interesting by giving more specific details and the exact causes and effects of the stories described. Instead of just telling facts, paint a story for the reader.

Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? No, all of the citations seem to be specific and clearly pointed out for the reader to understand where I received my information.

In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. -In general, the essay is weak with evidence. The evidence is deffinatley there, but it doesn’t create a strong sense of the exact explanation of what is being discussed.

([|DIH 2.4]) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? -There is no MLA citation needed for this essay, so this question doesn’t seem valid. ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? -Each sentence has some direction in which it is leading the reader to, but nothing is extremely specific the way it should be.

(2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? # Is every paragraph fully developed? -The most coherent paragraph is the first topic. The least is the last topic. Every paragraph is not full developed. The subject seems to scratch off the top of what should be dug deeper and into a source of more evidence for the point being made. (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? -Again, the same goes for this. The best developed is the first topic paragraph and the worst is the last topic paragraph. There are a few grammar errors with a couple of spelling errors as well.

(5d) What are your most frequent errors? -The most frequent error is being too redundant with the point being stated. Rather than giving a complete short and concise statement, it seems to drag out too much.

Overall: How interesting is this essay? -This essay is not very interesting. It has some boring parts that drag out too much and go off into an invalid tangent.

To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? -This would be most interesting to people who care about the environment, and the least interesting to people who aren’t involved or care about the animals around them and the society in which they live.

What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? -The parts in the middle of some paragraphs go off into a different subject where they should stay on track throughout the entire topic. Yes, there are parts where the readers will be bored or confused.

How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? -This essay is not as effective as it could be because it doesn’t describe in full detail the causes and effects for the subject being described.