P4+NMarin

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.


 * //In order to prevent a viral organism to enter our country which will have devastating affects, one must take actions by promoting firmer guidelines on what comes in.//**

Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])
 * There in no concluding thesis statment at the end of the essay.**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3])**The thesis does relfect certain points which are said in the essay. The essay however, developes most of what is said in the thesis.**
 * 2) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) **The thesis make a positive statement in a sence that it call for actions to be implemented in order to keep the country safe**.
 * 3) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? **The argument does seem to be worth arguing in the essay. The argument which is being put forward is that our counrties Health Services shouldn't allow foreign organisms to enter this country for health purposes.**
 * 4) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) **Yes, the clauses in the thesis are in actictive voice. "to prevent a viral organism to enter our country which will have devastating affects," Subject- organism Verb- prevent; "one must take actions by promoting firmer guidelines..." Subject- one Verb- promote**
 * 5) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) **Yes, the thesis answers the questions why and how. Such as, it tells the reader that by achieving change in what comes in to our country, one will have to promote a stronger defence system.**
 * 6) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? **Yes the thesis does seem to be clear and straightforward. It could pertain to some readers as a contovesial thesis but also be impregnable.**

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction- Around this planet are different in which they thirive in their own environments. Individuals in todays society are able to observe if a foreign organism will benefit that country or be harmful to it. **In oreder to prevent a viral organism to enter our country which will have devastating affects, one must take actions by promotin frimer guideline on what come in.**


 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) **Yes, the first body contain information which will have interset to the reading and leave him/her wanting more.**
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. **Yes i do make a clear contract with my rader in the body paragraph. Certain opinions made in the paragraph are backed up by information found in the excerpts.**
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)No it does not satisfy the contract with the reader.

C. Body Topic senteces**- Society fears of death brought by an outbreak. -The amphibian which has greatly affected environments throughout all continents is the cane toad.** Best paragraph**- Society fears of death brought by an outbreack. An epidemic in which people have only hours to live and spreads throughout the planet in a mtter of days. For instance, "SARS, a virus first reported in Asia in 2003, struck 8,098 people in which 774 died. (source B)" As the United States Health & Human Services dicovered the host of the lethal disease, they concluded that a rodent found in Africa and Indies was the culprit. Preventions to import this animal into other countries initiated. This virus epidemic which affected humans was able to be controlled. Other organisms which affect the environments are not so easily stopped.** Worst paragraph**- The amphibial which has greatly affected the environments throoughout all continents is the cane toad. This organism devastated the environments in which it was not native to. First born in Austrailia, this toad was bought in other countries to eat insects which killed farming vegitation. The amphibian which thrived off insects and birds, secreted poison from its skin to ward off predators. The toad began to spread throughout countries and decimating other animals not immune to its toxic secretions. "Cane toad had become a poster child for the problem of invasive species here, forcing the government to embark on a multimillion dollar campaing to stop them. (source F)"Health and biological services then began to take action.**
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? **The paragraphs do in fact contain a logical direction in which the reader led to.**
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? **In addition, the transition in the first paragraph is stronger than the second body paragraph. "Other organisms which affect the environments are not so easily stopped."**
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? **My essay would be perrsuasive to someone. It contains information not found in the sorces which are interesting, "Poisions are secreated from the toad's skin which are used as a defence mechanism to ward off predators."**
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) **Yes and no, there are some statments which are backed up fairly well by evidence from the sources, but there are also claims which may leave the reader fealing a sence of doubt.**
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) **Yes, the evidence introduced is properly cited which is derived from the sources itself.**
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? **Yes, the first body paragraph may be the one most coherent to the topic sentece of that paragraph. Each sentece contains information relating to the central piont.**
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?Not all paragraphs were fully developed. **The first one was pobably the most developed. The second body paragraph is not as developed. The less developed paragraph didn't seem to flow as well as the first one did.**
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?**No, this essay was not entierly free of errors. It most frequent errors are probably the redudancy in the essay.**

Overall:
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? **This essay is vastly interesting in a sense that it pertains to biology and health issues. Bio people would find this essay most interesting. Fashion people would find this less interesting. Most interesting parts are the statistics in it. Less interesting parts would be the descriptions of certain animals in it. All in all, the reader would not tfind it confusing.**
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? **This essay is awfully effective, because it reveals how many people have been infected by outbreaks in recent years. Its successful in a way that it indicate's how a virus can be ecalating to the point that actions will be necessary for survival.**