P3+WBarloon

A. Thesis statement and essay unity. (Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * //When the idea is proposed, there are hundreds of things the business or government has to consider.//**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2]) Yes, it states that the things I had listed above among others have to be considered before a new species is introduced to a non native enviornment.
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3]) The thesis statement doesn't reflect everything in the essay but the essay develops everything in the thesis. This is becasue the thesis never makes a specific reference to things that have to be considered, while in the rest of the essay specific's are recognized and examples are provided to support the thesis.
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5]) The thesis doesn't take a positive side or a negative side, it simply states that there are countless things that have to be taken into consideration when introducing a new species and that there are always going to be unforseen variables.
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? The argument is worth arguing becasue there are people in the world that would just assume to bring anything in that would seem to make the situation better, when in reality something that seems good on paper could be a plague to the country it was brought into. The argument is that things need to be carefully considered before action is taken, otherwise there may be dire consequesnces.
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) Each clause of my thesis is not in the active voice. The subject of the first clause is the idea, the verb is proposed. The second subject is the business or government and the verb is to consider.
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4]) The thesis itself does not explane why or how to the satisfaction of the reader. However, the sentence following the thesis goes into a little more detail than the thesis itself. "They have to take into account every possible advantage and disadvantage like food production or disease spread."
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])? The thesis of this essay is clear because there is only one way to interpret it. It is precise and limited because the point is easily defendable. It is not informative because most people already know that things can't be just uprooted and put somewhere else, hoping that they will thrive.

B. Introduction and conclusion. The topic of bringing a nonindigenous species to another country has been greatly debated. **//When the idea is proposed, there are hundreds of things the business or government agency has to consider.//** They have to take into account every possible advantage and disadvantage like food production or disease spread. Even then, it is still unclear if the invasive species will act as predicted. These situations, among others, are drastic affects that must be considered before introducing a new species. Every factor must be taken into account and every precaution must be taken to the fullest. However, even then people cannot be sure of what will happen. (Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * Introduction**
 * Closing**
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) It is interesting but not so much that it would hold the reader's attention. However, there is specific material in the intro that is addressed later in the essay.
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. The contract is that I will attempt to explain everything that must be considered before something like this is done and to provide examples for the reader who does not know about this subject.
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) The conclusion does not satisfy the contract with the reader becasue it simply says that things must be thought through. It doesn't sum up the entire essay for the reader.

C. Body -The idea behind many fo these transfers is to provide more amounts of food for less. -An example of this risk is the Cane toad in Australia. -When a foreign species is introduced, it is never known what will come with it. The idea behind many of these transfers is toprovide more amounts of food for less. This is a great idea and has had success in the past. For example, source c states that aquaculture has become increasingly relied upon to feed the growing population. Commercial aquaculture enterprises have begun to rely on species from outside their region like the Atlantic Salmon, Calafornia Abalone, and the Japanese Oyster. Consequently. these enterprises are able to produce mass amounts of food mixed in with pre-existing markets a a relatively low cost. This provides much needed food, nourishment, and economy to developing countries where the majority of aquaculture takes place. Though this all seems well and good, there is always a risk run when introducing a new species to a foreign enviornment. When a foreign species is introduced, it si never known what will come with it. In 2005, an infestation of balsam woolly adelgids came with an import from Europe (source a). The bugs continued to destroy thousands of acres of fir trees, causing mass caos as they went. The destruction of so much forest leeds to limited food for animals, no shelter, and masses of dry foliage waiting to ignite. It upset the entire ecosystem, animals were forced to migrate or adapt to unfamiliar condition while the invaders thrived. (Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)
 * Best**
 * Worst**
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The paragraphs of the essay don't appear to move in any direction at all or towards one central point. Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The transitions between paragraphs was strongest between the first and second body paragraphs. "Though this all seems well and good, there is always a risk run when introducing a new species to a foreign enviornment. (para.) An example of this risk is the Cane toad in Australia"
 * 2) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I do think the essay would be persuasive to someone who doubts the thesis. There is evidence and specific examples in the essay that would be difficult to deny. Such as the cane toad, the balsalm woolly adelgids, and aquaculture. The essay could have used more direct citations from the souces. I tended to just paraphrase the sources instead of giving a direct quote which would have made it more interesting and persuasive.
 * 3) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4]) I do not always answer the question of how do you know. It seems like I just stated the facts and that these are the facts because I said these are the facts so no arguing.
 * 4) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3) The evidence is introduced clearly in each paragraph and is explained pretty well. Hoever, the essay could have used more direct citations instead of the paraphrased versions.
 * 5) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? I don't think every sentence helps to enforce my central point, the paragraphs tend to talk about the specific thing mentioned in the paragraph but not relate it to the point of the essay. The most coherent paragraph was the first body paragraph and the least was the last body paragraph.
 * 6) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Every paragraph except the last body paragraph and the conclusion are fully developed. I think the best one was the first body paragraph and the worst was the conclusion. The conclusion seems to be struggling to address the point of the essay well.
 * 7) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? The grammar and spelling mistakes were not to frequent for something like a first draft. However I would have liked to have been able to change some of my writing before doing this synthesis. The most common mistakes seemed to be sentences that could have used more detail or more information.

Overall:
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? This essay is relatively interesting because of the examples given and what they connect to. This essay would be interesting to readers who are more concerned with the enviornment and the affects we as people have upon it. It would not be so interesting for someone who doesn't care what the consequences are, they just want the problem fixed now. The most interesting parts are the parts where the examples are used. The least intersting part was the conclusion, it was very bland and similar to the introduction. I imagine reader will be confused during the introductory paragraph because it doesn't seem to take much of a stand.
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? I think it would be fairly successful because there is evidence to back up everything that was stated. However, I also think the essay could have been written much better.