P3+DLeon

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) 1.) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? (TS 2) The thesis at the end of my essay really does express the main point that I try to make in my essay. My essay has a single main point which I try to prove and I stay on task. The main point of my essay is to try to educate the reader on potential negative and positive impacts of importing nonnative species. 2.) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? (TS 3) The thesis statement does express everything in the essay and the essay develops everything in the thesis statement. My essay provides examples from the provided documents, such as: the Sugar Cane Frog and the Balsam Woolly Adelgids. 3.) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? (TS 5) My thesis statement makes a negative statement because it is mostly aimed to discourage the importation of nonnative species. 4.) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument? Yes, my thesis tries to prove a valuable argument: What should a government agency or business consider on the importation of nonnative species. 5.) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? (TS 6) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.) No, my thesis statement is in the passive voice. "It is __up to__ the business or government agency", "__to decide__ whether the nonnative species will be helpful." 6.) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. (TS 4) No, my thesis statement does not answer the questions "why?" or "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader. It simply answers the prompt which asks what businesses should consider when importing nonnative species. 7.) Is your thesis statement clear (TS 7), precise and limited (TS 8), controversial or informative (TS 9), and defensible (TS 10)? No, my thesis is very weak and simple. It is precise but underdeveloped. It is too general to be an effective or strong thesis statement.
 * //It is up to the business or government agengy to decide whether the nonnative species will be helpful.//**

B. Introduction and conclusion. (Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.) Introduction: There are many risks when dealing with the importation of nonnative species. It is the business or government agency's job to make sure that the species will not damage the ecosystem. There have been many cases in which the importation of nonindigenous species have caused harm but, at the same time, there are some instances where importation of nonnative species can be helpful. //**It is up to the business or government agency to decide whether the nonnative species will be helpful.**// Conclusion: Business and government agency's must consider the long term and short term effects of importing nonnative species. If they do not obtain sufficient data to support their intended results, they should revise their plan for importing the nonnative specie. In doing so, they would avoid catastrophe's like that of the cane frog in Australia or the Balsam Woolly Adelgids in the United States. 1.) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d) My first paragraph is boring and weak. It simply states opinions and ideas without any evidence to back it up. It is repetitive: "It is the business or government agency's job to make sure that the species will not damage the ecosystem," "It is up to the business or government agency to decide whether the nonnative species will be helpful." 2.) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. No, I did not make a clear contract with the reader. I believe I tried to make a contract but it was inneffective. I think that my contract with the reader was to give evidence of negative and positive impacts of nonnative species importation. 3.) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d) My conclusion does satisfy my contract with the reader but not in the most effective manner. I am, once again, very repetitive and it is redundant.

C. Body (Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.) Topic Sentence (1): We do not have contol over ecerything that is imported. Topic Sentence (2): To refer to an intentional importation, the voracious cane toads that were imported to Australia proved to be extremely inneffective. Topic Sentence (3): Although the events in Australia and the U.S. have had negative effects, there is hope that the selective importation of species may prove to be helpful. Best Paragraph: Although events in Australia and the U.S. have had negative effects, there is hope that the selective importation of species may prove to be helpful. The quinoa plant is said to have protein of such high quality that, "it often takes the place of meat in the diet" (Source G). This super-plant is believed, by scientists, to have such wonderful nutritional values, that it would be able to provide nutrition to other areas of the world by importing it. It appears that the plant would have a positive effect in other areas, however scientists are taking necessary precautions by running tests on this plant. This is very important because it helps the business to come up with a better, more informed, decision. Worst Paragraph: We do not have control over everything that is imported. There are occassions in which a species was imported accidentally. For example, the photo in Source A shows the disasterous effects of an accidental importation. Businesses must learn from these incidents in order to be able to decide effectively on decisions of nonnative species importation. The Balsy Wolly Adelgids are only one of many examples that prove that importation of nonnative species can have disasterous effects. 1.) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? My essay jumps around for no apparent reason on some parts but, for the most part, it seems to move in a logical direction. My topic sentences do not necessarily flow easily but they stay on the subject at hand. It is the information within the body paragraphs that causes my essay to go off on tangents. 2.) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? I think that the strogest transition is between my third and fourth paragraph. It connects my ideas more precisely and clearly as opposed to the transition between my second and third paragraph, which is unorganized and weak. 3.) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? (DIH 2.4) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? I think my essay could be persusasive to someone who doubts my thesis. My essay contains examples of real situations. My essay talks about the Woolly Adelgids and the Cane Frog. I don't write about actual people in the essay. My body paragraphs could use more interesting stories and examples to further develop my point, specifically, my second paragraph. 4.) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. (DIH 2.4) Yes, I do answer the question "how do you know?" on every claim that I make. I stick with the evidence that was provided to me in order to avoid going off on tangents. My evidence is strongest in my fourth paragraph because I incorporate my supplied evidence into my essay effectively. 5.) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? (DIH 2.4, 31a 1 and 3) The evidence is supplied and explained clearly and cited correctly in my fourth paragraph. For example, "Although events in Australia and the U.S. have had negative effects, there is hope that the selective importation of species may prove to be helpful. The quinoa plant is said to have protein of such high quality that, 'it often takes the place of meat in the diet' (Source G)." 6.) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least? Each sentence in my fourth paragraph leads to the central point. Each sentence in my second paragraph leads away from the central point. My fourth paragraph thoroughly supports my topic sentence and proves my main point. My second paragraph does not seem to have a topic sentence. Therefore, it is unorganized and incoherent. 7.) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst? Not all of my paragraphs are fully developed. My most developed paragraph is my fourth paragraph, my least developed is my second paragraph. 8.) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors? The grammar in my essay is clear and relatively free of errors. My most frequent errors are in spelling.

Overall: 1.) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? I believe this essay could be very interesting if it had more evidence to support my claim. Nonnimportation of nonnative species can have a direct impact on anyone. This essay would be more interesting to businessmen and government agencies who specifically deal with importation. I also think that the educated people can find this essay interesting because it deals with very important issues that can affect their lifes. 2.) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why? I do not believe that my essay is effective at convincing people into believing my thesis statement. It is not clear in developing my ideas and it does not flow easily. This would hinder the readers understanding of my essay. I believe that my essay could be improved greatly.