P3+SHagen

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//**Transferring non indigenous species to other countries is tricky business. There are many factors to be considered such as: the effects on the new country, control of the species, and protection for the indigenous plants.**//


 * 1) **Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])**
 * 2) Yes, the thesis at the end of the essay states: "Any importation of non native species takes a considerable amount of research. Agencies must consider the, 'worst case' effects on the new environment caused by the new species." In my essay I show the drastic effects which can be caused by accidental or intentional importation of non native species.
 * 3) **Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3])**
 * 4) Yes, many destructive examples are given to demonstrate how ignoring these important factors can affect the ecosystem.
 * 5) **Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5])**
 * 6) Yes, the thesis is positive. It states what the government or businesses need to do before introducing a non indigenous species in to an ecosystem.
 * 7) **Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?**
 * 8) Yes, my thesis posits an argument that is worth arguing. The argument states that considerable work and studies must be conducted before introducing a non native species into a new environment.
 * 9) **Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)**
 * 10) No, they are in the passive voice. "effects on the new country", "control of the species" "protection for the indigenous plants."
 * 11) **Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])**
 * 12) My thesis does not address the "how", however it does address the "why". It lists the factors that need to be considered. "The effects on the new country, control of the species, and protection for the indigenous plants."
 * 13) **Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?**
 * 14) Yes, my thesis is clear, precise, and limited. It clearly re-states the prompt, and says no more than is supported in the body paragraphs. It is informative, giving the reader the main subjects discussed throughout the essay. All of the topics disclosed in this thesis are defensible, and are defended in the body paragraphs.

B. Introduction and conclusion.

//Transferring non indigenous species to other countries is tricky business. There are many factors to be considered such as: the effects on the new country, control of the species, and protection for the indigenous plants.//**
 * Introduction:

//Any importation of non native species takes a considerable amount of research.//** Agencies must consider the "Worst case" effects on the new environment caused they the new species. They must then weigh the benefits and drawbacks to see if they importation is logical and will benefit the community.
 * Conclusion:


 * 1) **Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)**
 * 2) Yes, my first paragraph is interesting. It intrigues the reader with a few topics, they must continue reading to find more detailed information.
 * 3) **Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.**
 * 4) Yes, my contract states that the government and businesses must consider many factors before introducing non native species.
 * 5) **Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)**
 * 6) Yes, the contract is re-stated and confirmed. It states that "Agencies must consider the 'Worst case' effects on the new environment caused by the new species."

C. Body

Non native species can be devastating to an existing ecosystem. Non native species can be devastating to an existing ecosystem. The new organisms can begin to compete for food, feed on the native organisms, and eventually kill they off. In source A (Picture) balsam fur trees have been killed by the non native balsam woolly adelgids. This new species was accidentally brought over form Europe and began feeding on these trees. The furs had not evolved a defense, and the adelgids killed them. In the 1990's Jenny and Delan Perry owned a papaya farm. "In 1992, the Perrys saw evidence of an exotic microbe: papaya ring spot virus had invaded their fields. By 1994, the virus had erupted into a full blown epidemic. Within a few years, the local papaya industry had nearly vanished - and so had their livelihood." (Source D) This newly introduced virus began eating the papaya plants, similar to the fur trees. The papaya plants were not evolved to support these organisms and eventually dies, putting many families out of business.
 * Paragraph One Topic Sentence:**
 * Complete Paragraph One (Worst):**

A business or government agency must consider all of these factors before introducing non indigenous species. A business or government agency must consider all of these factors before introducing non indigenous species. In 1935 the government of Australia did not consider nay of them and a catastrophe soon followed. "In 1935 two types of beetles were chewing through Queensland's sugar-cane fields, In desperation, growers turned to cane toads to battle the insects. They'd heard glowing reports about [them]...in the Caribbean two years earlier, and successfully lobbied to import them." "Instead of concentrating on beetles, the voracious toads began munching on almost everything in sight: insects, bird eggs, and even pet food. Their poison killed predators - even pets - who tried to eat them" (Source F) Australia considered only their major problem, beetles, and imported the toads to eat them. They did not consider the drastic effects their importation could have on their lives. Recently the toad became, "a poster child for the problem of invasive species [there], forcing the government to embark on a multi million-dollar campaign to stop them." (Source F)
 * Paragraph Two Topic Sentence:**
 * Complete Paragraph Two (Best):**


 * 1) **Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason?**
 * 2) The paragraphs move in a somewhat logical direction. The second paragraph explains the effects of a non intentional importation, and the third paragraph explains the effects of an intentional importation.
 * 3) **Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?**
 * 4) My transitions are not very good, the paragraphs just trail off with no concrete connection between them. The best connection would be between the third and fourth paragraphs. The third ends with the government spending large quantities of money to try and solve their toad infestation, and the forth states how much works needs to be done before importing a new species.
 * 5) **Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?**
 * 6) Yes, my essay has three strong supporting quotes about the disastrous effects of importation without considering the effects. The second paragraph states: "In source A (Picture) balsam fur trees have been killed by the non native balsam woolly adelgids. This new species was accidentally brought over form Europe and began feeding on these trees. The furs had not evolved a defense, and the adelgids killed them." A story about actual people is also included in the second paragraph. "'In 1992, the Perrys saw evidence of an exotic microbe: papaya ring spot virus had invaded their fields. By 1994, the virus had erupted into a full blown epidemic. Within a few years, the local papaya industry had nearly vanished - and so had their livelihood.' (Source D) This newly introduced virus began eating the papaya plants, similar to the fur trees."
 * 7) **In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4])**
 * 8) All of the statement made in the essay are backed up with facts from the supporting sources. The readers can clearly see the relationship made. There are two strong quotes in the body paragraphs, but the weaker link is the picture. They picture has no large description to take a quote from, so it was interpreted by me.
 * 9) **Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)**
 * 10) Yes, the evidence is clearly explained, but is only sited by its name. They correct MLA citations are not made.
 * 11) **Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?**
 * 12) Yes, all sentences are related to the topic. The most coherent paragraph is my third one (second body paragraph), it basically restates the thesis before providing more evidence. My least coherent paragraph is my second one (first body paragraph), it is still on topic but no as clearly linked as the third.
 * 13) **Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?**
 * 14) Yes, every paragraph is developed, but not fully. All of my paragraphs could go into more detail.
 * 15) **Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?**
 * 16) Yes, there are no major mistakes except for a few awkward sentences.

Overall:
 * 1) **How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?**
 * 2) This essay is very interesting to the common reader, it discusses a problem that could affect everyone. Ecologists and environmentalists would be more interested, however, it should be enjoyable by everyone. I found the evidence about the papaya farms the most interesting, it amazes me how one little parasite can affect an entire ecosystem. The essay is meant for the common man and should be easily understandable.
 * 3) **How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?**
 * 4) I believe this essay would be pretty effective. The paragraphs could be a little better developed, but good evidence is given to support the arguments.