P3+TAndrews

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

Yes, it is written in the first sentnce in the conclusion paragraph. The thesis has the two main points of the essay and the essay developes using the thesis statement. The topuc sentences reflecting the thesis are, " When an animal is hunted and it has another insect living on it, that insect says alive, so that insect from other country is left where ever the dead animal it in living on goes." " Insects can also be other objects being shipped from country to country." " In Queensland, Australia, it is very it is very humid and hot place, perfect for growing sugar cane and the perfect paridise for insects." It is more negative because it says what our government is not doing and how they need to fix their proceedures. It postes the argument that the government needs to be doing more to keep out insects and animals and other forieng things that are effecting our country in a negative way. One could argue that our government is doing a good job or that different procautions need to be taken. Yes, none of the verbs are in the past tense, they are all in ht e present. It states why but not the how and it states what needs to be done, but not how. It is limited and should have more information and detail about what the essay will be about.
 * //There are two main points the government agency should consider before transfering a new species in to the country. One, they most consider everywhere that species has been such as clothing or a vehicle. Two, the government most consider the effect that this new species will have on everything in the country, living or non- living.//**
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])
 * 1) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3])
 * 1) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5])
 * 1) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * 1) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
 * 1) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])
 * 1) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?

B. Introduction and conclusion.

When traveling to a new country, the worst part of the trip is the customs check. This is a station where you claim all your luggage and the government checks to make sure nothing that will effect the country in a negative way is being brought in. This is still not stopping the transfer of nonindigenous species. **//There are two main points the government agency should consider before transfering a new species in to the country. One, they most consider everywhere that species has been such as clothing or a vehicle. Two, the government most consider the effect that this new species will have on everything in the country, living or non- living.//**

Yes and it includes a thesis that states what the essay is going to be about. It states what i think should be done to change the methods the government takes and reasons why they need to be changed. Yes, it sums up all the ideas of the essay and ties it all together.
 * //There are two main points the government agency should consider before transfering a new species in to the country. One, they most consider everywhere that species has been such as clothing or a vehicle. Two, the government most consider the effect that this new species will have on everything in the country, living or non- living.//** This is a very importnat job that the government has and it is very important that they come up with new plans for controlling the problems the spread of these species.
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic?
 * 1) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * 1) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

C. Body

Best- When an animal is hunted and a parasite is living on it that parasite is spread to what ever that animal touchs and it is left where ever that animal goes.

Worst- Insects can also be on other objects being shipped from country to country.

Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? The essay doesnt jump around but the ideas are not very clear. There are good transition between each essay and it ties all the paragraphs together so they do make sense but my ideas are not very strong. The essay has good transition between the body paragraphs and the introduction. The transition going to the conclusion is weak and it draws away from the essay as a whole. I think my essay could persuade someone becaus eit uses the sources in the right way and it makes sense along with the ideas i use in my essay. I dont write about actual people except for the government as a whole. I think the essay could use more detail and more of an explanation is in the body paragraphs to strengthen my ideas. I think my essay is based on the facts from the source documnets. I think the strongest is the ideas that come directly from the source documents. There is no MLA format but the quotes are cited. Each paragraph does build off the topic sentence. My 2nd body paragraph is the strongest and my conclusion is the weekest. No each paragraph is not developed and i think each paragraph should have gone into mre detail and i should have expanded more on my ideas.
 * 1) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * 1) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * 1) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4])
 * 1) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)
 * 1) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * 1) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * 1) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

No, i frequent spelling errors.

Overall: I dont think this essay is interesting because it is not an interesting topic. i think as a reader i would be bored with the tpic of theis essay. I dont think this effective because this is one of the worst essays i have ever written, it is crap.
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * 1) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?