P3+DSchlutz

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

//**However, the problem is, determining what actions should be taken against importing new things into our enviornment that could inflict harm.**//
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? Yes, I start out by mentioning the importance of international trade, and throughout my essay I bring up the danger of introducing invadsive species to new inviornments, and at the end I bring up some regulations that should be made.
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Yes, it does, but I should have stuck to it more and made sure that it answered the question presented. From time to time I went off topic. Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? Yes, I expand on the ideas and the body paragraphs present information that corillates with the thesis.
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? In my thesis I am making a positive statement, by mentioning that we can prevent harmful invaders if we incorperate actions against them.
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? Yes, it does, because I was able to express the arguement throughout my essay. What is that argument? My argument is that invasive speicies are harmful, and regulations should by made against them.
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? Yes, "should be taken", "against importing", and "could inflict harm" are all examples shown in my theisis.
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? No it does not, I simply statement that is not lengthy enough or deep enough to use either of these words. I fail in bringing up reasons using either of these words. Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay.
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear precise and limited, controversial or informative , and defensibe? My thesis is clear and easy to understand, limited because I don't expand in the sentace, precise because I concentrated on the idea, not controversial because I wasn't argueing alot or sticking up against something else, and it is defensible, because I

B. Introduction and conclusion.

Introduction: We live in a society that is based on globalization. For instance, when a parent goes to Toys-R-Us, to pick up a tickle me Elmo or Transformer Action figure, there is a slim to none likelihood that they were made in America. Our society is unique from earlier generations in that we are open to world trade. Buisnessmen in every regoin of the world see this as an oppurtunity. **//However, the problem is, determining what actions should be taken against importing new things into our enviornment that could inflict harm.//** Conclusion: It is for these reasons and many others, that the importation of goods on an international scale should be carefully regulated and controlled. Before introducing something into a new habitat, research should be done on potential affects. Without this research, crops on a global scale can be infected, humans can aquire a horrid new virus, and by this manner an ill fate will befall man.
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Yes, it is interesting because I provide examples of my point which the reader has probably experianced in their life. Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? Yes, I succeed in bringing up solid facts that are interesting, such as the globabilization of our society.
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is. Yes, my contract is that I will provide a clear, informative essay that will show the reader the problem of invasive species and steps that should be taken to quell that threat.
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? Yes, my conclusion does satisfy my contract my contract reader because I suggest that research is the answer to invasive species. By providing an answer to my initial question and summing up the previous paragraphs I do so.

C. Body

1st Topic Sentance: In a world such as ours, where the population is currently surpassing 6 billion people, more and more nations are turning to international trade to provide for their people. 2nd Topic Sentance: Although it is true alot of plants, food, and animals are imported to many nations for good purpasses their are some "hitchhikers" who come along with the imported goods that wreak havok where they are introduced. 3rd Topic Sentance: On Hawaii during the late 70's, the Perryies bought a 70 acre farm and introduced Papaya to it.

Best paragraph Although it is true alot of plants, food, and animals are imported to many nations for good purposes their are some "hitchhikers" who come along with the imported goods that werak havok where they are introduced. These invvaders can be mingled in grain, in the nooks and crannies of crates, and in the empty space of planes, trains, and automobiles. One disease that scientists think may have been spread this way is SARS. The US feared this occurance enough to ban the importation of civets (cat like animals native to Africa and the East Indies) It was believed that the humans who handled these creatures could aquire the disease. Invasive things do not only affect the health of humans, but also crops and livestock. Worst paragraph In a world such as ours, where the population is currently surpassing 6 billion people, more and more nations are turning to international trade to provide for their people. Food security has gone down, without todays global trade, famine would be mroe of a problem. In other circumstances, for instance, th e quinoa of the Incas, we expand to enhance life in other regions. Quinoa is a grain that is high in protein and often takes the place of meet in diets. Recently, the US has experianced with growing this crop in Colorado. Although importation of goods in necesary in todays society, it poses some risk.
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Yes, but my problem is that although my thoughts make sense and the essay provides valid points, in the bulk of my essay, I fail in getting to the point. Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Yes, throughout my entire essay I build up to my main point, which is finally expressed in the conclusion.
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest? My organization was strong, but the transistions were weak, at the end of each paragraph I did a good job but in the beginning I tended to altogether skip the topic sentance. My strongest transistion was between the 2nd and 3rd paragraph, but once I start getting into my main point, between the 3rd and 4th paragraph, the transistion seemed nonexistant.
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? Absolutely not, throughout my essay I fail in making counter arguments. What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? I could have made some counterarguments by saying, "Although it can be said that...it is still true that...", and so on. I made a good arguement in the begining and tied it all together in the end. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Yes, in the 4th paragraph I bring up a family of Hawaiin pappya farmers. Where could the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? I could have also brought up the cane toad incident in Australia. Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected? Yes, I needed to say which source from the DBQ pamflet I found them in.
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Yes, in the first two body paragraphs I explain the importance of global trade and the dangers. Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. I presented good evidence in the beginning, but as my essay wend on I failed to show support for my main ideas. For instance, when I finally presented my main idea, I failed to support it or counter argue it.
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? I successfully cited my documents by using the form suggested by all of my classes who have had me do DBQ's.
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? No, I tended to get off topic from time to time. What is your most coherent paragraph? My most coherent paragraph is the one where I express the dangers of global trade. What your least? The least coherent one is where I talk about the importance of global trade, I try to tie in an old Incan protein substitute when that didn't belong there.
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? No, my worst problem was developing the transistions. Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? I rarely make grammatical mistakes butI I do make a few of them. What are your most frequent errors? My worst errors are mis-spelling words that I should already know how to spell.

Overall:
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? My essay is interesting in that it provides valible information in a clear manner. To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? People are curious about the nature of the world or people who care about the world around them would find this interesting. To what kinds of readers less interesting? This essay would be less interesting to people who either are to busy to care or argue against my point. What parts are most and what least interesting? My most interesting part is my discussion about the negative affects invasive species have, my least interesting part is explaining the importance of trade. Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused? I would like to think that readers will not find themselfs confused. There are some boring parts, but they are short and not much of them exist.
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? This essay does not do a good job in answering my thesis statement because as I progressed, I waited until the end to actually answer it. I spent the whole essay building up to it.