P4+KWhite

1. The thesis does corralate with the end of the essay because the same thing was continued thoughout the essay. "Buissness must be careful because although it may seem like a great idea at the time an introduction of a species can be harmful." 2. The statement does reflect the essay because throughout the essay it is showing examples of mistakes and showing how those mistakes could be avoided in order to determine whether the plant or animal will be harmful to the new enviroment. " What the growers overlooked was the reality that the toads might not just eat the beetles." The essay does develope everything the thesis says because it talks about what a buissness should consider before introducing a non-native species which is what the thesis is stating. 3. The thesis is more on the negative side of things because it is telling buissnesses not to jump into something so fast that you make a major mistake but that you consider the situation and it's solution. 4. No my thesis doesn't really post an argument but more of a correction. 5. It's not in the active voice. 6. It answeres the question why when because it saying to make sure that introuducing the species will be helpful and not harm or cause damage to the surroundings. 7. My thesis in clear and informative Introduction- "**//When considering the idea of introducing a non-native plant or animal into a region a buissness would want to consider the following wheather the animal or plant would be helpful and not cause damage.//**" "In despiration, growers turned to cane toads to battle the insects...instead of concentrating on beetles, the vocarious toads began munching on almost everything in site. (example F)" "What the growers overlooked was the reality that the toads might not just eat the beetles. Another thing a buissness might want to consider is shown in the example B. "Wild animal traders, it turns out, ahow a higher incident of exposure to the SARS virus." What people overlooked was the fact that animals might spread the disease further. Buissnesses should make sure that they have looked at every aspect and that all parts would benifit from an animal species introduction."
 * //When considering the idea of introducing a non-native plant or animal into a region a buissness would want to consider the following wheather the animal or plant would be helpful and not cause damage.//**
 * A.**
 * B.**

Conclusion- "Buissnesses must be careful because although it may seem like a great idea at the time an introduction of a species can be harmful." "But in 1992, the Perry's saw evidence of an exotitic microbe: papya ringspot virus had invaded their fields. (source D)" "Although this introduction was probably accidental it was harmful on a large scale. These are incidents that buissnesses should refer to again and again in order not to make the same mistake twice." 1. The introduction has quotes in it that are interesting and that could catch a reader's attention but I still think that it could use a lot more work 2. No I think that the contract part could use a lot more work. A contract is an agreement that is bound legally. 3. Well since my contract was never established my conclusion doesn't satify the reader.

Worst- "**//When considering the idea of introducing a non-native plant or animal into a region a buissness would want to consider the following wheather the animal or plant would be helpful and not cause damage.//**" "In despiration, growers turned to cane toads to battle the insects...instead of concentrating on beetles, the vocarious toads began munching on almost everything in site. (example F)" "What the growers overlooked was the reality that the toads might not just eat the beetles. Another thing a buissness might want to consider is shown in the example B. "Wild animal traders, it turns out, ahow a higher incident of exposure to the SARS virus." What people overlooked was the fact that animals might spread the disease further. Buissnesses should make sure that they have looked at every aspect and that all parts would benifit from an animal species introduction." Best- "There is now evidence that the quinoa plant may help many countries that struggle with the issue of feeding their population. "Quinoa seems particuarly promising for improving life and health in marginal upland areas.(Source G)" "While the quinoa plant seems like it would be a great solution for hunger, there are a couple of things a buissness should consider before investing. The first question that should be asked is, will it make the soil unfertile after a few years? Another question that should be asked is, does this plant spread easily or will it be able to contol it's growth? Even after your questions have been asked and answered you should still further investigate and make sure there is no down side to bringing the plant into a foreign place. 1. The Paragraphs all relate to topic but do jump around at times. When reading the reader gets different approaches to the same question of if a buissness is going to introduce a non-native species into an area what are the things that they need to do to make sure that this plant won't do damage? The transition is best in the transition between paragraph 2 and 3. "Even after your questions have been asked and answered you should still further investigate and make sure there is no down side to bringing the plant into a foreign place...Buissnesses must be careful because although it may seem like a great idea at the time an introduction of a species can be harmful." The worst transition is that between paragraph 1 and 2. "Buissnesses should make sure that they have looked at every aspect and that all parts would benifit from an animal species introduction." 2. I think that the organisation of my essay could be worked on somewhat so that the points the essay is making come through very clear. The transition is best in the transition between paragraph 2 and 3. "Even after your questions have been asked and answered you should still further investigate and make sure there is no down side to bringing the plant into a foreign place...Buissnesses must be careful because although it may seem like a great idea at the time an introduction of a species can be harmful." The worst transition is that between paragraph 1 and 2. "Buissnesses should make sure that they have looked at every aspect and that all parts would benifit from an animal species introduction." 3. I think that it could pursuade someone in the direction of my essay because I used the examples provided to show what mistakes were made and how these could be avoided. I also used and example of a plant that could potentially be planted in it's non-native area and I showed questions that should be asked and said that it should be reaserched further. "There is now evidence that the quinoa plant may help many countries that struggle with the issue of feeding their population." I wouldn't know what stories to put in but this essay could definatly use and interesting story in the paragraph that is talking about the quinoa plant. 4. In the essay the question of "how do you know" isn't always answered, but when it is answered it is with a quote. I think that my evidence is strongest in paragraph 1. "In despiration, growers turned to cane toads to battle the insects...instead of concentrating on beetles, the vocarious toads began munching on almost everything in site. (example F)" "What the growers overlooked was the reality that the toads might not just eat the beetles. Another thing a buissness might want to consider is shown in the example B. "Wild animal traders, it turns out, ahow a higher incident of exposure to the SARS virus." What people overlooked was the fact that animals might spread the disease further. Buissnesses should make sure that they have looked at every aspect and that all parts would benifit from an animal species introduction." My worst place of showing evidence is in paragraph 2, "...Will it make the soul unfertile after a few years? Another question that should be asked is does this plant spread easily or will it be able to control it's growth? Even after your questions have been asked and answered you should still further investigate and make sure there is no down side to bringing the plant into a foriegn place." 5. The citations are correct but the introduction of the citations could definatly be worked on. 6. For the most part the senteces come to one point but that can also be worked on. The most coherent paragraph is the first and the least coherent paragraph is the third. 7. The first paragraph is developed by my second and third are lacking. My worst developed paragraph is my third and my best is the first. 8. This essay has a lot of gramatical errors that definatly need to be fixed. Overall my essay makes sense and is the start of something that could potentially become good.
 * C.**

Overall 1. This essay is some what interesting, but I think that it still needs more work though. This essay would be more interesting to buissnes men and women who are concidering bring a foreign animal in. This wouldn't be very interesting to people who don't work in a buissness world that deals with bring in non-native animals. The parts were there are quotes are the most interesting because you are hearing about real events. The least interesting parts are the ones with my suggestions to the buissness men. 2. I think that this essay has a potential to be very persuasive but is lacking especially because I think that the essay needs a better argument.

A. Thesis statement and essay unity.

(Please copy your thesis from your essay here. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * 1) Does the thesis statement I have written at the end of the essay really express the main point that I make in the essay? ([|TS 2])
 * 2) Does the thesis statement reflect everything in the essay? Does the essay develop everything in the thesis statement? ([|TS 3])
 * 3) Does the thesis statement make a positive statement rather than a negative one? ([|TS 5])
 * 4) Does your thesis posit an argument that is actually worth arguing? What is that argument?
 * 5) Is every clause in the thesis statement in the active voice? ([|TS 6]) (List the subjects and verbs of each clause in your thesis statement below to illustrate your answer.)
 * 6) Does your thesis statement answer the questions "why?" and "how?" to the satisfaction of a doubting reader? Your thesis statement, of course, will not support or explain or provide evidence of why or how, but it should state the reasons why it is true if these will be discussed in the essay. ([|TS 4])
 * 7) Is your thesis statement clear [|(TS 7)], precise and limited ([|TS 8]), controversial or informative ([|TS 9]), and defensible ([|TS 10])?

B. Introduction and conclusion.

(Please copy your introduction and conclusion from your essay here, labeling each. Please bold face and italicize your thesis.)
 * 1) Is your first paragraph interesting? Does it provide concrete and specific material that is likely to catch the reader’s attention and focus it on your topic? (2d)
 * 2) Do you make a clear contract with the reader? Please summarize what you believe your contract is.
 * 3) Does the conclusion of your essay satisfy your contract with the reader? How? (2d)

C. Body

(Please copy your topic sentences and your best and worst paragraphs here, labeling each.)
 * 1) Do the paragraphs of your essay move in a logical direction? Does the reader have the experience of getting someplace, of answering questions and moving toward a point? Or does the essay jump around for no apparent reason? Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * 2) Evaluate the overall organization of your essay briefly, and then point out where you think the transition between paragraphs is strongest and where it is weakest?
 * 3) Would your essay be persuasive to someone who doubts your thesis statement? What qualities of evidence or support would make it so? ([|DIH 2.4]) In particular, list your specific examples and clear, vivid cases that illustrate and support your points. Do you write about actual people in the essay? Where could you make the essay more interesting by adding a story, and example, or a more specific explanation? Are there places where you should introduce a source more clearly or fully or where a citation needs to be provided and corrected?
 * 4) In the essay, do you answer the question "How do you know?" of every claim you make in such a way that a doubting reader would be satisfied? Evaluate the overall quality of the evidence you use in the essay, then comment on where you think your evidence is strongest and where you think it is weakest. ([|DIH 2.4])
 * 5) Is the evidence introduced and explained clearly and cited correctly, when necessary, in accordance with MLA citation and list of works cited format? ([|DIH 2.4], 31a 1 and 3)
 * 6) Does each sentence in each paragraph lead to or from the central point (the topic sentence)? (2a) What is your most coherent paragraph? What your least?
 * 7) Is every paragraph fully developed? (2c) Which are and which aren’t? What is your best developed paragraph and what your worst?
 * 8) Is this essay clearly written and relatively free of errors in grammar, spelling, and usage? (5d) What are your most frequent errors?

Overall:
 * 1) How interesting is this essay? To what kinds of readers would it be more interesting? To what kinds of readers less interesting? What parts are most and what least interesting? Are there parts where readers will be bored or confused?
 * 2) How effective an essay do you believe this is. That is, how successful would this essay be a persuading the other members of the class to believe your thesis statement? Why?